


Lost & Found

by HixyStix, sempaiko



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dark And Troubled Pasts, Human Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Kallus's asshole years are behind him, M/M, Murder, PLEASE CHECK CHAPTER WARNINGS, Past Infidelity, Single Parents, Trials, Widower Zeb, art included, background Kanera, or are they?, past Thrawn/Kallus, this is cuter than it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HixyStix/pseuds/HixyStix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sempaiko/pseuds/sempaiko
Summary: After being tragically widowed, Zeb Orrelios and his daughter Lira move into an apartment complex where they try to put their lives back together.  Even months down the road, Zeb still isn’t looking for a new relationship, but their reclusive neighbor Alexsandr Kallus just might change his mind.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 93
Kudos: 189





	1. The Care and Feeding of Your Reclusive Neighbor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for description of violence and mentions of exercise.
> 
> All artworks are by the ASTOUNDINGLY TALENTED Sempaiko!

* * *

* * *

Of course, just as Zeb managed to doze off, Lira started shrieking. Scrabbling for the release on his recliner, he rolled to his feet and grabbed his daughter from her play spot by the sliding glass door. It was imperative that he calm her down before a neighbor complained, but Lira wasn’t cooperating; the four-year-old tried to escape his arms and reached for the balcony.

“Sweetheart, you gotta hush,” he said, trying to be soothing. “You can’t yell here like you did back home. You know that.”

Lira quieted, calming as he rubbed her back, but she kept watching out the door. Zeb followed her gaze and–

There was a cat on the balcony.

They were on the sixth floor; what was a cat doing on the balcony?

The cat – sleek and black – stared back as Zeb frowned.

Well, at least he knew why Lira had shrieked. The little girl loved animals of all sorts, but they hadn’t seen anything other than birds since moving into the apartment complex. She probably just wanted to pet it.

Not that Zeb was going to let her chase after a strange cat.

A tentative knock at the door drew Zeb’s attention away from the cat. It didn’t sound like the upstairs neighbor who usually complained about Lira; _he_ banged on the door as if trying to drown out Lira’s cries.

Shushing Lira one last time, Zeb opened the door, brow still knit in a frown.

A tall man stood there, almost as tall as Zeb himself. Blond hair fell into his face, nearly hiding his eyes, golden brown and wide with stress. Bold mutton-chops framed a downturned mouth and freckles dotted every inch of pale skin Zeb could see.

Zeb’s frowned deepened. He didn’t need to notice such things. They didn’t matter.

What mattered was that Zeb recognized him as their next door neighbor. He didn’t know his name or anything about him; the man seemed to always keep to himself and never talked to anyone as far as Zeb knew.

He was staring now, though, gaping rudely at Zeb’s face.

Hitching Lira a little higher on his waist, Zeb grumbled, “Yes?”

The man blinked. “I– I’m sorry to have to bother you,” he said in a smooth, deep, crisply accented voice. “But I’m afraid my cat is an escape artist and jumped to your balcony.”

“So that’s your cat?” Zeb asked. “Guess you better come get him.” He stepped aside, letting the man in, holding Lira a little tighter.

The balcony was directly opposite the door and the man went straight there and tugged on the handle.

“There’s a pole holding it closed,” Zeb pointed out as he watched the man struggle. “Childproofing.” _And extra security_.

“Oh,” the man said. “That would make sense.”

“You’re next door, aren’t you?” Zeb asked, even though he knew the answer. “Don’t see you much.”

The man picked up the wooden pole from the sliding door tracks. “I don’t get out much,” he said. “But yes, we are neighbors.”

Zeb waited for a moment, seeing if the man would introduce himself.

He didn’t.

“There you are, Mouse,” he said instead. “Stop running from me and I’ll give you treats.”

“Mouse!” Lira giggled. “Daddy, the kitty’s name is Mouse. That’s _silly_.”

“Yes it is,” Zeb whispered back, not taking his eyes off the stranger in his apartment.

The man opened the door slowly and snuck out to the porch, bent over to grab the cat. His khaki pants, already a little tight, stretched nicely as he did so, giving Zeb an attractive view.

Zeb squeezed his eyes shut, frustrated with himself. _I need to stop noticing other people. It’s only been six months. I may be lonely but I owe Lasan better than that. I owe Lira better than to bring someone else into our lives so soon_.

“Got you, you little brat.” The man stood back up, cat held tightly to his chest. Mouse yowled at the treatment.

The man had a little trouble closing the door and holding the wriggling cat, so Zeb stepped in to help. As he neared the man, Lira reached out for the cat.

“Aw, h– karabast. Is it okay if she pets him or d’you want me to keep her away?” Zeb asked. “She knows how to pet a cat and not hurt it.”

The man seemed to be caught off guard. “Uh, she. Mouse is a she. And it’s okay as long as Mouse puts up with it.”

Zeb allowed himself a little smile. “Good.” He took a step closer so Lira could reach. He was so close to this man it almost hurt; Zeb hadn’t been in such proximity to another adult in a while, barring family, and certainly not one he found attractive. Their eyes locked and the moment turned awkward. Fumbling for something to say, Zeb introduced himself. “I’m Zeb, by the way. Zeb Orrelios. My daughter’s Lira.”

“Oh, uh, I’m Alexsandr,” the man said, eyes darting between Zeb, Lira, and the cat. “But most people just call me Kallus.”

“That your last name?” Zeb asked.

“Yes,” Alexsandr said. He bit his lip. “Look, I don’t want Mouse getting loose again, so I need to get her home.”

Zeb nodded, turning so that Lira couldn’t reach the cat anymore. “You’ve got to stop petting, sweetheart.”

Lira pouted, giving Zeb her best begging eyes, but he remained unmoved.

Alexsandr’s eyes went wide again. “Well, if she wants,” he offered, “you can come over and pet Mouse again some time. It’ll probably be good for her to be around other people.”

Zeb studied Alexsandr and his almost skittish behavior. _You could use some socialization too, mate. But then again, so could I._ “Don’t let Lira con you into offering if you’re not comfortable.”

“No, it’ll be fine.” Alexsandr gave Zeb a quick once-over and Zeb wasn’t sure if he was being checked out or assessed as a threat. “I’m home most of the time, just knock.”

Zeb barely had the chance to say, “Okay,” before Alexsandr was gone, darting out the door and back down the hall.

Closing the door, Zeb locked it, keeping the chain out of Lira’s reach. Carefully, he set his daughter down before slumping back against the door.

“You’re in trouble now,” he muttered to himself.

* * *

“I’m gonna take her to the park, if that’s okay,” said the teenage boy holding Lira’s hand.

Zeb looked around his old neighborhood – it was a bright, sunny, hot day, the type that used to be perfect for family outings – and nodded. “That sounds good, Ezra. Make sure she drinks a lot of water.”

“Of course!” Ezra said, a lopsided grin on his face. He turned that bright expression to Lira. “We’re gonna have fun, aren’t we?”

Lira beamed and Zeb had to smile, too. Knowing that Lira loved Ezra made it easier to leave her with him – something that had been happened all too frequently that summer.

Zeb reached down and patted Lira’s head, curly hair pulled up into his best imitation of a bun. “Have fun with Ezra,” he told her.

Ezra peered at Zeb. “Are you gonna be back at school this year? I’m signed up for one of your classes.”

Zeb’s smile faltered. “Not at first, kid,” he said. “But I _will_ be back before the semester’s out. Just got some more things to take care of first.”

“Oh, okay.” Ezra sounded almost sorry he’d asked.

Lira wiggled impatiently. “ _Bye_ , Daddy,” she said pointedly.

Zeb laughed. “Okay, I get the hint. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

He watched until the two kids were a ways down the sidewalk; Lira skipping and Ezra trying to keep hold of her hand.

He wanted to keep watching them, but he had a job to do. Turning, he went the opposite direction on the sidewalk, three houses down to a white clapboard two-story.

The house looked innocuous, quiet and well-kept, but Zeb knew the truth.

Standing in the driveway were his two best friends, Kanan and Hera. He smiled and waved at them.

“You ready, buddy?” Kanan asked as he walked up the drive.

“Am I ever?” Zeb replied. The answer was _no_ , but he unlocked the side door anyway, letting Kanan and Hera enter first.

He stopped just inside the door and looked around the kitchen. It was a mess, but renovating was a messy job. The new appliances sat off to the side, ready to be slotted into place just as soon as they installed the cabinets.

Not for the first time, Zeb wished he could afford for someone else to do the work so that he didn’t have to step foot in the house again. Sadly, he was too busy paying for an apartment in the city on a teacher’s salary, along with… other costs. If Zeb wanted to sell their old house, he needed to get to work and be grateful he had friends to help him.

Tugging his necklace out from under his tee, Zeb twiddled the ring that hung there.

“Hey,” said Hera, laying a soft hand on his arm. “We’re here. It’s okay, Zeb.”

“I know,” he said, taking a moment to close his eyes and squeeze the ring in his fist. He took a deep breath and put the necklace away again. “I’ll be good in the kitchen today.”

Hera waiting until he nodded, then smiled and squeezed his bicep.

Both Hera and Kanan were watching him with sympathy and suddenly Zeb couldn’t stand it. He’d had so much sympathy over the last six months, it made him want to scream.

His friends were just trying to help, he knew, so he tamped down the anger that rose like bile in his stomach. They didn’t deserve for him to snap at them, so he swallowed and nodded. “How’s Jacen doing?” Zeb asked, as much to get the attention off him as out of curiosity.

Kanan leaned against a section of upper cabinets and beamed. “As of three days ago, he’s a walker.”

Kanan had already told him that, even sent him a video of Jacen’s wobbly attempts at walking, but Zeb still made sure to sound suitably impressed. “Wow.”

Hera elbowed her partner. “He know that. You put it online and messaged everyone we know.”

Kanan shrugged, catching Zeb’s eye with a grin.

Zeb smiled back softly. He understood; he’d been insufferable when Lira started walking and talking, too. “You know I don’t mind hearing about Jacen,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Hera, though she was smiling too. “If we’re going to finish this before school starts, we need to quit yapping and get a move on.”

Kanan and Zeb took up position on either side of one upper cabinet, lifting it into place while Hera stood on a stepstool with a level and directed them how to adjust it before finally drilling it into place.

They repeated this throughout the small kitchen, making good progress but Zeb felt uneasy again.

There was a very good reason for him to be uncomfortable in the house these days, but for once his unease had nothing to do with the house. “Hera, you’re sure it’s okay I take more time off?”

Hera set down the power drill she’d been using. “Garazeb Orrelios, do you think I would have approved your leave if it wasn’t one hundred percent okay?” she asked, hands on her hips.

Zeb hung his head sheepishly. Hera might be his friend, but she’d been promoted to principal a few years back, so she was also his boss. “Don’t do anything for me that you wouldn’t do for any of the others,” he said.

“That I wouldn’t–?” Hera glared at him. “Zeb, none of our other teachers have gone through what you did – and I sincerely hope no one else does – so I’m just doing what I can to help you. If that means juggling leave and sick days and administrative approval, then I juggle.

“Best accept it, buddy,” Kanan said, wiping sweat from his brow. “You’re off at least until the trial is done. Show up at that school and Hera’ll personally chase you off campus.”

Hera picked up a screwdriver and shook it at Zeb. “You’d better believe it. You may terrify half your students, but you don’t scare me. I know better.”

Zeb laughed, the sound echoing in the empty house. “All right, all right. I just don’t want you to be in a difficult position because of me.”

“You’re our friend,” Hera said. “So was Lasan. Lira’s our goddaughter. As far as I’m concerned, that makes us family. If anyone can put me in a difficult position and get away with it, it’s family.”

Zeb recognized the ‘don’t-argue-with-me’ tone in Hera’s voice, so he simply nodded. “Thank you, Hera.”

Kanan looked around the kitchen. “You know, I think we’re ready for appliances. Then it’s just the floor and paint and we’re done with this room.”

“Huh.” Zeb had really thought the kitchen would take longer; the bathrooms had been beasts to tackle and they were smaller than the kitchen.

Hera patted Zeb on the back. “This is the easy part, remember. We’ll all be cursing up a storm when we start on the flooring.”

Zeb nodded, but he was distracted thinking of finally finishing the house, finally getting it on the market, finally getting rid of the memories.

Finally being free to escape that apartment complex and make a new home with Lira closer to the school.

Finally starting over.

* * *

The apartment was sticky, the heat oppressive and inescapable. The complex owner, Hondo, had sworn the air conditioning would be fixed before long, but Zeb had learned to take everything Hondo said with a grain of salt.

Zeb had met Hondo through Lasan’s uncle Gron and always found him shady, but when the man offered a cut rate apartment in the city so they’d be close to all the lawyers and courtrooms – and most importantly, get out of their old house – Zeb couldn’t afford to pass up the offer.

Knowing the apartment was his best option didn’t make it any easier when the air conditioning continually crapped out on the hottest days.

Lira flopped on the kitchen floor, complaining loudly that she was hot.

“Yeah, kid,” Zeb muttered. “I am, too. We just gotta suck it up, though.”

She sat up, sweat plastering tendrils of curly hair to her neck and forehead. “I wanna go see Mouse.”

“Mouse?” Zeb looked at her curiously.

Lira pouted. “The _kitty_.”

Zeb blinked. _Oh yeah. The cat. The cat with the extremely hot owner that I shouldn’t be looking at. What was his name? Alexsandr, right?_

“Lira, sweetheart, they probably don’t want to be bothered. Kitties don’t like to be petted when it’s this hot.” Zeb wasn’t actually sure on that last part, but it sounded right.

The pout stayed on Lira’s face, big brown eyes begging.

Zeb sighed. He didn’t have the energy to argue. “Okay, but if Mr. Alexsandr says no, we come straight back here.”

Suddenly the pout turned into a great big beaming smile and Lira skittered across the linoleum on her way to grab her shoes.

Five minutes later, Zeb held her hand tightly and knocked on Alexsandr’s door. When no one answered the door right away, Zeb prayed the man wouldn’t be there.

No such luck. Alexsandr opened the door, clothing rumpled and flyaway blond hair sticking out every which way.

Zeb gasped: not at Alexsandr, though he was still just as attractive as the first time Zeb saw him, but at the cool air that wafted out of the apartment.

Alexsandr looked at Zeb, eyes wide, then down at Lira, who was bouncing on her toes.

“Mouse, Mr. ‘Sandr! Can I play with Mouse?”

Alexsandr blinked. “I did say you could come over, didn’t I?”

Lira nodded, tugging at Zeb’s hand, trying to break into the apartment.

Zeb held her back, though. “Only if it’s not an inconvenience.”

“No.” Alexsandr stood aside. “I was just napping. It’s past time for me to get up.”

Lira pulled out of Zeb’s grasp, running into the apartment.

“Mouse is on the couch,” Alexsandr told her and the little girl skidded around the couch, letting out a delighted gasp when she saw the cat.

Zeb entered more cautiously, making sure he avoided brushing up against Alexsandr.

“Okay, I have to ask,” he said as Alexsandr shut the door. “How come your a/c works and mine doesn’t?”

Alexsandr pointed to the window next to the balcony. “Window unit. I moved in last summer and after the third time the air conditioning went out, I bought my own as backup.”

Zeb hummed. “Makes sense. Wish that fit my budget.”

Alexsandr’s attention was on the couch, so Zeb took the opportunity to look around.

As well as being a mirror image of Zeb’s apartment, the place was sparse, to say the least. There was a couch and a television, a laptop desk set up by the balcony doors, and Zeb got a glimpse of a dark gray duvet on a made bed through the bedroom door.

Really, Mouse had more of a presence than Alexsandr – there was a tall cat tree in the bedroom, toys strewn across the living room floor, and a bowl of water by the kitchen island.

There were no plants, no pictures on the wall or fridge door, no weird little statues. The only personalization Zeb saw was a small shelf in the corner that held rocks. Pretty rocks, to be sure, but rocks.

Alexsandr caught Zeb looking and flushed. “Oh, I collect gems and minerals. That’s just part of my collection. Most of it’s packed away.”

Zeb gestured to the largest rock, a deep purple encased in gray. “That one’s nice.”

Alexsandr glanced at it. “Oh, that’s purpurite.”

“ _Purpurite_?” Zeb arched an eyebrow. “Guess they weren’t going for creativity.”

That got a short laugh out of Alexsandr, a strangely happy sound from the usually nervous-seeming man. “I collect them; I don’t name them.”

Strangely invigorated by Zeb’s brief interest, Alexsandr moved over to the shelf. He named a few other rocks, but Zeb forgot the names almost as soon as he heard them – he was too busy watching Alexsandr’s face light up as he spoke.

“And these down here are all meteorites,” Alexsandr said, pointing to what looked to Zeb like small gray rocks, indistinguishable from playground gravel.

“Any moon rocks?” Zeb asked, smiling to show it was a joke.

Alexsandr returned the smile. “No. I _would_ try to figure out how to break into NASA and steal a few but someone already did that. Lacks originality now.”

Zeb laughed. “So you’re a cat guy and a rock guy. What else do you do holed up in here all the time?”

The flush returned and Alexsandr’s face lost some of its jocularity. “I write,” he said. “Do you know the online magazine _Fulcrum_? It’s a small outfit, but I typically do human interest pieces.”

Zeb grimaced. He’d never heard of it but there were so many publications coming out of their city, both print and online. “Sorry,” he said. “I’ll check it out, though.”

“Don’t feel like you must,” Alexsandr said.

“No, I’m curious now,” Zeb said honestly. He paused, waiting to see if Alexsandr had anything else to add. When he didn’t, Zeb continued. “I teach at Atollon High out in the suburbs. Gym, mostly, but I kind of fill in wherever is needed. I’ve taught everything from driver’s ed to home ec to computers.”

Alexsandr smiled thinly. “Sports guy, huh? Should have guessed by looking at you.” He brushed at some hair fallen into his face and frowned. “Pardon me. I’ll be right back.”

Zeb watched him disappear into the bedroom, then circled to the front of the couch. Lira and Mouse seemed to be getting along wonderfully; the cat was purring loudly.

“You like Mouse?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Lira. “Can we get a kitty?”

Zeb chuckled. “Maybe someday. Not right now, though.”

Alexsandr emerged from the bedroom, hair brushed back immaculately, smoothing out his clothing as best he could. He bent over the back of the couch, looking down on Lira and Mouse. “Lira, do you know how to play with a cat?”

She shook her head.

Alexsandr reached just under the couch and pulled out a wand with feathers on the end of a string. Mouse immediately perked up.

Explaining patiently as he went, he demonstrated how to use to wand to get Mouse to play, then instructed Lira as she tried it herself. Lira giggled as Mouse chased her and the feathers around the room.

Zeb watched Alexsandr as he worked with Lira. Maybe his first impression of the man as skittish and shy had been wrong. Maybe he’d just been waiting for someone to reach out to him.

 _That doesn’t need to be you_ , he reminded himself. _At least have the decency to wait until the trial is over._

 _But if not me, then who_?

“So you’ve been here a year, you said?” Zeb asked, hoping to strike up a conversation.

“Mm-hm.” Alexsandr’s eyes followed Mouse around the room. “And you’ve been here six months.”

“You noticed?” Zeb was a little surprised.

“I, uh, notice a fair amount around here,” Alexsandr admitted. “And you were a bit loud.”

Zeb looked at Alexsandr curiously for a moment before laughing. “Well, it was just to make up for how quiet you are. Seriously, do you even vacuum?”

Alexsandr pointed to the corner behind the desk. “Roomba,” he said.

“Of course you have a Roomba.”

Looking insulted, Alexsandr frowned. “Something wrong with that?”

“No,” Zeb said quickly. “Just… looking around, your place doesn’t have a lot of personality. A robot fits right in.”

“It’s an apartment,” Alexsandr said, pouting the slightest bit. “It’s a temporary stop for me, not a permanent home. It doesn’t need personality.”

“You don’t even have, what, a picture of your family?” Zeb motioned to the shelf with the rocks. “I mean, those are nice, but still kinda cold.”

Alexsandr’s face shut down and the chill Zeb felt run down his spine had nothing to do with the air conditioning. “I don’t have or want pictures of my family,” Alexsandr said shortly. “And if you don’t like it, it’s good you don’t have to live here.”

_Fuck, I messed up. This guy seems to need a friend and I just went and insulted his apartment._

“Karabast, I’m sorry,” Zeb said, holding up his hands in surrender. “I shouldn’ta said that. Guess it’s been a while since I talked to an adult who wasn’t practically family. Forgot how to be polite.”

Alexsandr looked at Zeb, one eyebrow quirked, but he said nothing.

Zeb nodded. “We’ll get out of here. Lira!”

Lira ignored him, continuing to tease Mouse with the feather toy.

“Don’t worry about it,” Alexsandr said softly. “It’s been a while for me, too. I forget how to hold a conversation sometimes. I do my best to avoid them, actually.”

Zeb laughed. “You do get a lot of delivery stuff. They come to our place first sometimes.”

“Yeah.” Alexsandr scratched the back of his neck. “Meals, groceries, Amazon… I get practically everything delivered. I’m sorry they mess up and bother you.”

Zeb gave him a half-grin. “Nah. Interesting to get a peek at what you can get delivered. Lira and I– well, it’s cheaper to get it all ourselves. No delivery fees that way.” He scuffed one shoe against the other, a little embarrassed at indirectly revealing their limited finances.

Alexsandr didn’t seem to have that problem. Zeb should have known as soon as he saw the apartment. Only bastards with money could afford to live such minimalistic lives. What he was doing in a run-down building like Hondo’s, Zeb could only guess.

“I ought to start going myself,” Alexsandr admitted. “But going out alone is awkward. It’s just easier to order.”

“So tag along with us,” Zeb said before he even thought about it.

_No! Don’t invite him. That’s the last thing you need to do!_

“We don’t shop anywhere special, just the grocery a couple blocks south, but you’re welcome to join.”

_Damn it, Zeb, **listen** to yourself for once._

“Really?” The note of hope in Alexsandr’s voice blew away all of Zeb’s doubts.

Zeb smiled. “Yeah, sure, why not? Look, uh, give me your cell number and I’ll text you the day of so you have time to get ready.”

_And I promise to only use the phone number for innocent reasons._

Alexsandr hesitated, holding his breath, but nodded. “That sounds good.”

Digging out his aging phone, Zeb tapped in the number Alexsandr gave him. “And you said your last name was Callan?”

“Kall _us,_ with a K,” Alexsandr corrected.

“Oops, sorry.” Something about that name seemed familiar, but Zeb couldn’t put his finger on it. He ignored the niggly sensation in the back of his mind and gave Alexsandr _his_ number – and of course, Alexsandr had the newest phone model.

Zeb nearly joked that it had been twenty years since he’d gotten another person’s phone number when he noticed Alexsandr watching him. Suddenly, the joke didn’t feel like such a joke; the way Alexsandr was looking at him definitely felt like he was being checked out.

“We’ll, uh, probably go on Friday morning this week, if that works for your schedule?” Zeb asked, venturing back to safer territory.

“That should be fine,” Alexsandr said, finally looking down to save Zeb’s number.

Zeb found himself studying Alexsandr in turn. The man was, well, _golden_. Hair, eyes, facial hair, even his pale skin was covered in warm freckles.

 _That’s why I’m attracted_ , Zeb realized. _He looks nothing like Lasan, so there aren’t any reminders._

Recognizing that fact would make it easier to defend against feeling anything but friendship for his neighbor.

Alexsandr glanced back up and their eyes met for a moment. Zeb tried to figure out what to say. _Please don’t look at me like that. Please stop that slight pout, it’s distracting. It doesn’t matter if you like men, too, I can’t date. Not yet._

In the end, Zeb didn’t have to say anything; the air conditioning unit clunked to life, getting everyone’s attention.

Zeb scratched the back of his head. “We should probably be going now. Thanks for indulging Lira and for sharing your cool air.”

Alexsandr nodded. “Anytime. Mouse could use the exercise.”

Zeb gathered up a fussing Lira, who cried a goodbye to “Mouse and Mr. ‘Sandr,” and carried her back to their still-hot apartment.

“I’m hot!” Lira pouted after Zeb set her down.

“It’s going to get cooler,” Zeb promised. “Hear the air conditioning? It takes a little time to work.”

Lira stood there, bottom lip stuck out.

Zeb sat on the couch and looked Lira in the eyes. “If you’re going to act like this after every visit to Mr. Alexsandr’s, we won’t go anymore.”

_That might be the safest thing for us all._

Lira gave a belabored sigh and flounced off to her room.

Zeb, on the other hand, pulled out his phone. Alexsandr had said he worked for an online magazine; Zeb thought he’d try to find it. He’d already forgotten its name, but maybe if he just Googled Alexsandr’s name…

The search brought up a lot of results, mostly bylines. But they weren’t from a small magazine like Alexsandr had said.

They were from _Empire Exclusive_ , one of the more notorious trash mags Zeb knew. The magazine had a reputation for _destroying_ reputations: celebrities, politicians, business leaders. Anyone with clout was at risk.

Most people Zeb knew didn’t read the magazine and took anything written there with a grain of salt. Not that it helped their victims; once you had an _EE_ spread, your career was probably in the gutter.

He scanned through a couple of the articles, eyebrows gradually rising higher and higher on his forehead. These articles were, well, ‘predatory’ was the first word that came to mind. ‘Vicious’ was another. He might even add ‘disdainful’ to the list.

How could the anxiety-ridden, rock-loving, cat-having guy next door have written such things?

Noting that all of the articles were over a year old, Zeb closed out of the _EE_ site and scrolled further down.

There, on the second page of results, was _Fulcrum Magazine_. Tentatively, Zeb opened up the latest article with Alexsandr’s byline. The terse writing style was familiar, but the topic was brand-new: a look at the challenges Millennials and Gen Z were facing in the job market. Sympathy pervaded the piece.

 _That_ seemed much more in line with the man Zeb had met.

Perhaps it was no wonder Alexsandr hadn’t mentioned _Empire Exclusive_. Maybe he wanted to distance himself from his old job – and it had to be him. How many people were named ‘Alexsandr Kallus’ and spelled it that way?

Zeb closed out of the web browser and rubbed his temples. He really shouldn’t judge Alexsandr by something he saw online; Zeb firmly believed people should be judged by their current behavior – a value he tried to instill in his students – so he would give Alexsandr the benefit of the doubt.

Hopefully, Alexsandr would prove to be better than whoever he’d been when he wrote the _EE_ articles.

* * *

Friday rolled around and as much as Zeb wanted to have a lazy day at home and not worry about anything – particularly wrangling Lira on a trip in public – their cupboard was looking bare.

Recalling his promise, Zeb texted Alexsandr: _Going to the grocery store around ten. Want to join?_

The response was quick and succinct: _Please_.

Lira bounced around the kitchen while Zeb made pancakes. “Can I see Mouse again?” she asked, for the tenth time.

And again, for the tenth time, Zeb replied, “I don’t know. That’s up to Mr. Alexsandr.”

Lira stopped and tried to peer over the counter to watch Zeb. “Little pancakes?” she asked, giving him her best begging eyes.

Zeb sighed and instead of pouring one large pancake, he made several dots, no more than an inch across each. They were a pain to cook like that – hard to leverage and flip – but it made Lira happy to have bite-sized pancakes.

He tried to walk the fine line between making Lira happy after all they’d been through and spoiling her. It was tough sometimes.

He was glad Lira was still a relatively happy child. She’d always been cheerful, but after losing Lasan, both Zeb and Lira had gone through some dark times. Zeb was taking her to a child psychiatrist at considerable expense, but he wanted to make sure she was okay. So far, it seemed to be working.

Part of him wished he could afford to see one himself, but he was making do. He was good at that.

At breakfast, Lira drizzled syrup all over her plate and down the front of her pajamas. Dumping her clothes in the hamper, Zeb made a note that it was time for laundry before herding Lira into the bath.

Lira was not a quick bather, what with wrestling her into the tub, getting her to let Zeb wash her hair, and then play with her toys. By the time ten o’clock rolled around, Zeb was just finishing up putting her hair in pigtails for the day.

A soft knock sounded at the door. Lira was quicker to react than Zeb was.

Dragging the door open, she gleefully cried, “Mr. ‘Sandr!”

Alexsandr smiled back from her, but Zeb caught the moment of worried hesitation on his face. Was he second-guessing accepting their invitation?

He grabbed Lira, pulling her back from the door. “Come on in, Alexsandr,” he said. “Mind the ankle-biter. I promise she’s had her rabies shots.”

The edges of Alexsandr’s mouth twitched up into a shy smile. “Hi, Lira,” he said, stepping into the apartment. His eyes glanced over the post-breakfast chaos and then tentatively met Zeb’s. “Are you sure it’s still all right for me to join?”

Zeb rolled his eyes. “We’re good, just a bit disorganized in the mornings.” He looked down at Lira. “But once school starts, we’re going to have to get better at it.”

Lira pouted. Zeb had been pitching the idea of pre-K to her – mostly for his own sanity and childcare after he started back to work – and it wasn’t going over well.

Zeb tugged her pigtails. “Get your shoes, brat. It’s time to go.”

Doing a quick dash through the kitchen, Zeb cleaned up while Lira put on her shoes and Alexsandr waited awkwardly. Zeb hoped the mess wasn’t what was making their guest uncomfortable.

Finally, they were ready to trudge down to the building’s garage and to the Orrelioses’ assigned spot.

There sat an extremely utilitarian sedan from the late nineties. The only thing not drab on it was the wearing green paint job. Zeb looked at Alexsandr sheepishly. “Hope you don’t mind our junker.”

Alexsandr shook his head. “No, it’s fine.”

Zeb wondered which car was his, or if he even had one. It would fit the stereotype he projected of hermit city-dweller who rarely went places. He probably got a cab or Uber anytime he needed to go somewhere.

That didn’t work for Zeb. Even if they weren’t in the suburbs anymore, he still had plenty of places to drive: Lira’s therapist, the lawyers’ offices, back to their old home to fix it up. An Uber would get prohibitively expensive rather quickly.

Still, he felt a little ashamed of his ride. As they drove the few blocks to the store, Lira humming a tune in the backseat, Zeb looked at Alexsandr. The man looked cramped – but then, so was Zeb – and seemed to be nervously drumming his fingers on his knees.

“Sorry it’s not nicer,” Zeb said.

“Hm?” Alexsandr jerked his head in Zeb’s direction. “I’m sorry.”

“I had a nicer car,” Zeb explained, “but I needed the money more. Sold it and got this one. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world but it’s sturdy and gets us where we need to go.”

“No, it’s fine,” Alexsandr said. “I just don’t think I’ve ridden in one of these since 2000.”

Zeb laughed. “You’re lucky, then. What do you drive?”

“A bike, actually,” Alexsandr said, to Zeb’s surprise. “A Suzuki.”

“I know nothing about motorcycles,” Zeb admitted. “Is that a good one?”

“It’s reliable and fast,” Alexsandr replied. “Which was all I cared about when I bought it.”

Zeb grinned. “‘When you bought it’? What about now?”

Alexsandr shrugged and looked out the window. “I don’t ride much anymore. Like I said, I don’t really get out.”

Pulling into the parking lot, Zeb looked around for a decent spot. “Nowhere to go?”

“And no one to see,” Alexsandr said. Zeb thought he heard a touch of sadness, but the man covered it quickly. “But that’s fine. I have a tendency to complicate things and this way my life stays _un_ complicated.”

“I get that,” Zeb said, thinking of how complicated his life had suddenly gotten six months back. “My life’s more complicated now than I’d like.”

“Oh?” 

Zeb could hear the arched eyebrow in Alexsandr’s voice, but he didn’t feel like elaborating. Alexsandr didn’t need to know their trauma right away. Thankfully, he found a spot just as the silence was getting awkward. “Lira?”

“Yes?” she asked, sing-song.

Catching his daughter’s eye in the rear view mirror, Zeb said sternly, “No candy today and you can only have one box of cereal. I don’t want a fit when we’re in there because you want more.”

Lira made a face and didn’t answer.

Zeb sighed. He’d tried, at least. “Are you ready?” he asked Alexsandr. “Shopping with a kid is majorly different from shopping by yourself.”

“I had assumed so,” Alexsandr replied.

Zeb laughed again as he got out of the car. “It’s more difficult than you think. You may regret coming along.” He unclipped Lira from her car seat and held her hand tightly as the three of them walked into the store. 

Instinctively, Zeb grabbed a cart and rolled it to Alexsandr. The man looked almost scared of it, so Zeb pointed out, “I figure you don’t want to mix your stuff with ours, but if you’d rather share…?”

Alexsandr shook his head and took the cart.

“You can split off from us if you want,” Zeb offered as he put Lira in the child seat. “We can just meet up when we’re done.”

“If you’d rather,” Alexsandr said.

Zeb heard the reluctance. “Or you can follow us. That’d be great, too. I just don’t want you to have to deal with us if you don’t want to. I know we can be a little much.”

Alexsandr nodded, but said nothing.

Assuming Alexsandr was behind him, Zeb set off around the store in a familiar pattern. Fresh produce here, canned goods there, shelf-stable items on the next aisle. “If you see something, just tell me to stop,” Zeb offered.

“I will,” Alexsandr said, picking out some depressingly boring cereal while Zeb looked at sugary ones with Lira.

It was Zeb’s turn to make a face. “You really like that stuff?” he asked.

Alexsandr smiled, which Zeb considered a personal achievement. “It’s not that bad.”

Zeb held up Lira’s Froot Loops. “Live a little, Alex,” he joked.

Almost too late, he realized he’d used a nickname without asking permission first. Alexsandr blinked, but didn’t say anything.

Zeb handed the cereal box to Lira. “Sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have called you that.”

“No,” Alexsandr said. “It’s okay. I haven’t been called ‘Alex’ since I was in school.”

“Alexsandr it is, then.” Zeb started down the aisle again. 

Hoping to pull more smiles from the man, Zeb continued to tease him about his utilitarian choices the rest of the trip. He was moderately successful, though Alexsandr was fairly quiet until Zeb was helping him load his groceries into the trunk. “You know, ‘Alex’ really is okay,” he said quietly. “It just caught me off-guard.”

“Only if you’re sure.” Zeb stood with one hand on the trunk lid, ready to close it as soon as Alexsandr was ready.

Alexsandr reached up too, hand tantalizingly close to Zeb’s. He almost dared to look into Alexsandr’s eyes but the back door of the car opened; Lira had escaped her car seat.

“Lira!” he yelled, reaching out and catching her before she ran past the car into the – admittedly very slow – traffic. Lira giggled as he swung her up, securing her in his arms. “You know better than that!”

She wasn’t fazed by his fussing. “I’m _bored_ ,” she complained.

Zeb was aware of Alexsandr standing there, wide-eyed as Zeb felt – but he didn’t look at the man. He stared down Lira until she looked appropriately apologetic. “Even if you’re bored, you know not to run into the street.”

“It’s not the street, Daddy,” she said, cocking her head.

Frowning, Zeb said, “It’s close enough. People are driving in these aisles. One of them could have hit you. You’re short enough they might not see you in time.”

“I’ll, uh, take the carts back,” Alexsandr said quietly, hauling off both shopping carts.

Once he was out of earshot, Zeb deepened his frown. “You’re showing out in front of Mr. Alexsandr. You know better than that. If you want him to come with us to do other things, you can’t do things you know are dangerous and wrong.”

Lira pouted, but Zeb didn’t let up. Switching her to sit on his hip, he closed the trunk and put her back in her car seat. Once she was secured, he stood up again and looked around. 

Alexsandr walked up, circling the car to the passenger side. “Everything okay?” he asked.

Zeb rolled his eyes. “Just a normal trip to the grocery.” He slid into the driver’s seat and waited for Alexsandr to get in. “Regretting coming?”

“Actually, no.” Alexsandr offered up one of his shy smiles. “Despite your efforts to tease.”

Zeb beamed. “I can stop if it bothers ya, but that’s just the way I am with friends.”

Realizing what he’d said, Zeb cast a glance in Alexsandr’s direction to see how he took it. The man looked a little surprised, but not upset.

Good. Zeb could work with that. He continued, “Right, Lira? I make fun of you, too, when you deserve it.”

Lira was still pouting from being fussed at. “All the time,” she said morosely, dragging out the first syllable.

Zeb grinned. Pouting was better than pitching a fit, especially in front of non-family, so he’d take it.

Alexsandr seemed to relax a little, leaning back into the seat and resting his hand on his legs instead of impatiently drumming his fingers. The midday sun shone through the car windows, catching bright highlights in his hair and illuminating the thick dusting of freckles on his skin.

 _He’s just a friend,_ Zeb had to remind himself. _He’s just a neighbor. Not anything else. Don’t look, don’t notice, don’t want_.

Easier said than done.

* * *

It’d been a few days since their grocery trip and Zeb hadn’t heard or seen Alexsandr.

Had he and Lira driven him off, despite what he said? If so, Zeb had gotten _really_ bad at reading body language.

Lira begged every day to go play with Mouse, but Zeb held her back, waiting to see if Alexsandr made the next move. If he enjoyed their outing, he’d ask about the next, right? 

Apparently not. Zeb sighed as he watched Lira disappear back into her psychiatrist’s office. He looked at the receptionist. “I’ve got to run an errand while she’s in there. Is that okay?”

The receptionist nodded. “If you’re not back, I’ll watch her. It won’t be the first time.”

Zeb felt a little guilty – her tone of voice said it happened far too often and he hated to be one of _those_ parents – but he’d gotten a call from the lawyer while he and Lira waited and all his paperwork was back at the apartment. Surely he could run back home, make the phone call, and be back within the hour, right?

His plan went off-track when he got back to the building and discovered that in the thirty minutes he’d been gone, the elevator had broken down yet again.

With a huff, Zeb slammed the door open on the stairwell, ready to storm upstairs. Too late, he saw the person on the stairs.

“Hey!” Alexsandr protested. “Watch where you’re– Zeb?”

“Oops,” Zeb said. “Sorry ‘bout that. I was just in a hurry.”

“I could tell,” Alexsandr said drily. He stood on the landing, in sweatpants and a gray t-shirt, the university logo faded so much Zeb could barely tell what it had originally said. A towel hung around his neck and his skin shone with exertion. Zeb had obviously caught him on his way up from the basement gym.

Alexsandr took a step back and motioned for Zeb to go in front of him. 

“I’ll walk with you,” Zeb offered, “unless you were gonna run.”

Alexsandr huffed. “No, that’s what the treadmill’s for. This is just a cool-down.”

They set off up the stairs together, Alexsandr just a step or two ahead of Zeb. He held onto the railing and looked over his shoulder every time he spoke.

“So you’re a gym rat?” Zeb asked. “I usually go right before dinner and make Lira sit in the corner and read while I work out.”

“I would have figured you for a morning person,” Alexsandr said.

“ _I_ am,” Zeb agreed, “but Lira isn’t. I would have guessed _you_ for a morning person, too.”

Alexsandr shrugged. “Too busy in the mornings. Early afternoon, it’s quiet.”

“Yeah, I can see that it’d be crowded for a career hermit,” Zeb joked.

“I am not–!” Alexsandr paused and let his shoulders slump. “All right, perhaps I am. But I did have an outing last week.”

Zeb knew he was referring to the grocery store, but he wanted to needle Alexsandr a little. “Oh, really? Did you take some hermit-loving lady on a date?”

Alexsandr looked stricken, caught between laughter and terror.

Zeb recognized that look. He’d had that look, years back, before he became comfortable with his sexuality and his relationship with Lasan. Now it was routine, but it apparently wasn’t for Alexsandr. “Hermit-loving guy, then?” he amended.

Looking up the stairs, Alexsandr nodded.

Zeb laughed, trying to put Alexsandr back at ease. “Don’t blame you there. I’m up for whatever, but my husband–” he cut off suddenly. He wasn’t ready to talk about Lasan with Alexsandr. The other man’s ignorance was a blessing; Zeb was tired of sympathy and Alexsandr didn’t give him any. 

Alexsandr slowed his walk. “Husband?”

“Not part of the picture anymore,” Zeb said quickly, sending up a quick mental _I’m sorry_ to Lasan. It was easier to let Alexsandr think they were divorced than know he’d been widowered.

Thankfully, Alexsandr didn’t pry – and neither did Zeb.

He’d suspected Alexsandr might be gay before, but now he knew.

And that was dangerous knowledge. It meant Zeb’s attraction could possibly be returned.

He couldn’t have that.

Zeb would just have to be more careful.

As they hit the fourth floor, Zeb struck up conversation again. “We’re going to the store Saturday, I think, if you want to join us again,” he offered, mentally kicking himself. _That_ wasn’t being careful. _That_ was being reckless.

Alexsandr nodded. “I’d like that, if I’m not a bother.”

Zeb grinned at him. “As long as you don’t pitch a fit if I buy grapes instead of raspberries or don’t get the expensive strawberry milk.”

“I think I can promise that,” Alexsandr said, the ghost of a smile flickering across his face.

“Good,” Zeb said. “You’re officially invited to join us whenever.”

“Thank you,” Alexsandr said.

“Lira loves you, anyway, so I’d get in trouble if I said no,” Zeb laughed. “She’s been wanting to come bother your cat again all week.”

Alexsandr nodded. “Bring her over. My offer still stands, as well.”

“She’d be over there all day, every day if I’d let her,” Zeb warned.

Alexsandr gave a slight shrug. “I’m home every day,” he said. “Might as well let her entertain Mouse, too, right?”

“Only if you’re sure.”

Alexsandr stopped at the sixth floor landing and turned to face Zeb. The landing was smaller than the main floor one and Zeb had to stand on the stairs not to crowd Alexsandr. “I’m sure, Zeb,” he said, his voice bouncing on Zeb’s name, giving it a little emphasis. “Bring her over. It’s nice to have company again.”

 _You went a year without company,_ Zeb thought. _Why change your mind now? Why pick us?_

“Fine. But it’ll be a couple hours. She’s at an appointment right now and I’ve got to make a phone call.”

Thankfully, Alexsandr didn’t ask what kind of appointment. “That’s fine,” he said. “I’ll be expecting you.”

With a look that lingered a little too long on Zeb’s face, Alexsandr opened the door and walked quickly down the hall.

Zeb swallowed. Something had changed during that walk, it felt like. Alexsandr had been quite chatty compared to their earlier interactions and to insist that Lira come over…

There was danger in the air, Zeb realized. One step too far and he’d go over the edge. Lira would go over the edge.

Maybe he shouldn’t take Lira to see Mouse after all.

He knew he would, though.

* * *

“The door!” Lira cried happily.

Zeb grinned and motioned her toward it. “Go for it, kid.”

She pulled the door open and squealed. “Mr. ‘Sandr!”

“Hi, Lira,” Alexsandr said as he stepped in. “So it was your idea to go to the pool?”

“Yes!” she said, twirling to show off her ruffled swimsuit.

Zeb couldn’t help but notice that Alexsandr was in his usual polo and slacks. “Uh, the pool here doesn’t have any changing rooms. You can use our bathroom if you want,” he offered.

Alexsandr flushed slightly. “Oh. I don’t own a swimsuit, actually. Someone needs to watch over your things while you swim, though, right?”

Zeb stared at him dumbly. “You’re joking.”

Alexsandr reddened even more. “I’ve never had cause to need one.”

“‘Never had cause’?” Zeb sighed. “Okay, you can borrow one of mine. It’ll be a little big, but hey, that’s what the ties are for. Come on.”

Before Alexsandr could protest, Zeb grabbed his arm and dragged him back into the big bedroom, glad he’d straightened up that morning. 

He tried not to make a deal out of the fact that it was the most prolonged contact he’d ever had with Alexsandr. Every other time they’d touched had been accidental: a brush of hands as they passed in the grocery aisle, shoulders rubbing in the cramped car, Alexsandr handing Lira back after she jumped into his arms the last time they visited Mouse.

“You really don’t need to do this,” Alexsandr said, looking around the room. Zeb watched his gaze fall on the bookshelf before turning to the dresser.

“Alex, you don’t go to the pool looking like that. You _can_ swim, can’t you?”

There was no answer.

Shit, had he asked the wrong thing and embarrassed Alexsandr?

Zeb looked back over his shoulder, intending to apologize, but Alexsandr was staring at the bookshelf still, wide-eyed. He looked almost horrified.

…Zeb didn’t own any inappropriate books, as far as he knew. Everything he’d kept in the move was something he thought Lira might read someday or a text from work.

So what was causing Alexsandr’s reaction?

“Alex?”

Alexsandr shivered and looked at him, face quickly becoming a pleasant mask again. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I zoned out. You were saying?”

Zeb tossed a pair of trunks at him. “I was sayin’ you can change in the bathroom. Lira will want to swim with you if you’ll let her.”

Eyes wide again, Alexsandr gulped. “All right,” he said slowly. “I suppose I can do that. If you’ll excuse me?”

Zeb gave him an encouraging smile. “We’ll be waiting.”

Out in the living room, Lira was curled on the couch, back to watching television. She looked at him questioningly. “Pool?” she asked.

“We’re going,” Zeb promised. “Mr. Alexsandr just has to get ready. He doesn’t go to the pool a lot.” _Or at least it doesn’t seem like he does._

She pouted and Zeb shot her a look before she could complain any more.

“Patience,” he said. “He’s our guest and we have to be nice.”

Lira nodded, eyes lighting up. Zeb turned to see Alexsandr emerge from the bathroom.

He looked a little shy but Zeb saw no reason he ought to be. The brightly patterned shorts fit well enough and his legs were toned, if pale. Zeb could easily imagine those legs wrapped around–

 _No!_ He hadn’t invited Alexsandr to join them just so he could ogle.

Had he?

Alexsandr still wore his ochre polo, the color clashing nauseatingly with the swimshorts, but Zeb didn’t mind – and neither did Lira. She launched off the couch and grabbed his hand, dragging him to the door.

Though he was loath to admit it, Zeb was a little jealous of the way she could just grab his hand. Zeb had dragged him to the bedroom, but that wasn’t as intimate a gesture.

 _NO!_ he fussed at himself again. _Stop this, Garazeb. Stop being so forward. Friendly, not flirty_.

Lira chattered the whole elevator ride, peppering Alexsandr with questions about Mouse and himself. He answered good-naturedly.

At the pool, they claimed two chairs and Zeb fitted Lira with her floaties while Alexsandr spread out towels. 

Zeb let go of Lira and she immediately started running toward the slide, though she did slow down when Zeb called to her.

He glanced over; Alexsandr was sitting on the lounge chair, sunglasses on, looking uncomfortable.

Zeb took off his shirt, hoping Alexsandr would do the same. “You know, you’re really good with her. How many younger siblings did you have?”

Alexsandr did follow suit, revealing a toned body with thick blond hair covering his chest and parts below. Zeb did his best not to stare.

“I, uh, don’t know,” Alexsandr said.

It took Zeb a moment to remember what his question had been. “You don’t know?” Surely a person would know if they had siblings?

“I grew up in the foster system. I never knew my parents or if they had other children they abandoned.” Alexsandr met his eyes defiantly, daring Zeb to make a comment.

“Oh,” Zeb said. He had a number of kids in his classes that were in the system and he knew it was rough. Lira had been a foster before they adopted her. Not for long, to be sure – they knew they wanted to adopt her as soon as they saw her – but she’d still started out in the system. “You gotta be strong to do that.”

Alexsandr looked out to the pool, where Lira splashed back to the ladder to slide again. “That’s more true than you know.”

Silence fell as Zeb tried to figure out what to say next. It was obvious Alexsandr didn’t really care to open up about his childhood.

He scooted to lean back against the pool chair. “Did I tell you I looked up your magazine? Got a subscription, too. You guys are pretty good.”

Alexsandr appeared to relax a bit, but not all the way. “You didn’t tell me that. I’m glad you like it. I’m quite fond of my coworkers. Well, they’re both the editors while I’m only staff, but I like them nonetheless.”

Zeb snapped his fingers, trying to remember. “Someone Tano and a guy whose name starts with C?”

Surprisingly, Alexsandr chuckled. “You _are_ horrible with names, aren’t you? How do you remember all your students?”

“I don’t,” Zeb said with a grin. “I give ‘em all numbers and make ‘em answer to that all year.”

“You do not.” Alexsandr eyed him distrustfully. “You wouldn’t.”

Zeb laughed, eyes crinkling as he smiled at Alexsandr. “Wanna bet?”

“They must hate you,” Alexsandr said.

“Actually, they seem to enjoy it,” Zeb said. “Or at least they pretend to. Half my students are intimidated by me and the other half want to test my limits.”

“Do you _try_ to be intimidating?”

“Nah,” Zeb said, gesturing at himself. “But when you’re as big an’ tall as I am, you intimidate without meaning to. You get that too, I bet.”

“Some,” Alexsandr allowed. “I’m not quite as large as you, though.”

Zeb had definitely noticed that. He liked it, too. Lasan had been a more average height, with a softer build – comforting and _home_. But Alexsandr was more than easy enough on the eyes and Zeb wondered what those muscles would feel like.

He blinked. He was thinking thoughts he shouldn’t, but every time he saw Alexsandr, he thought them.

At what point did he admit to himself that he was attracted to Alexsandr?

Trying to get his mind off that topic, Zeb barged ahead. “I also saw articles with your name from _Empire Exclusive_. Did you work there, too?”

Alexsandr’s face darkened. “I used to,” he said tersely.

It was obvious Zeb had found a tender subject, just like family, but Garazeb Orrelios was nothing if not foolhardy. “That’s a big outfit. What’d you do?”

Alexsandr hesitated. “I wrote investigative articles,” he said. “But I left a year ago. I enjoy _Fulcrum_ much more.”

Zeb recognized the attempt to bring the conversation back around to Alexsandr’s current work. Not wanting to make the man any more uncomfortable, he asked, “How long have you been there?”

“About ten months.” Alexsandr seemed to breathe easier almost immediately. “They found me after I left _EE_ and offered me a position.”

“Huh. Must have been impressed with your work there.” Zeb nodded, impressed.

“Something like that.”

Lira half-walked, half-skipped up to them, dripping water everywhere she went. All smiles, she went straight to Alexsandr. “Mr. ‘Sandr, swim with me in the deep end!”

Zeb gave her a look and she sighed.

“Mr. ‘Sandr, _will you_ swim with me in the deep end?” she amended, rolling her eyes.

Alexsandr blanched. “I, uh. I better not, Lira. Don’t you want to swim in the shallow end with the other kids?”

“No.” She shook her head vigorously, getting them both wet with spray from her hair. “Deep end!”

Zeb shrugged. “She’s a daredevil. If they’d let her, she’d go off a high dive,” he explained to Alexsandr. “It’s fine to take her in the deep end. I’ll come too, if you’re uncomfortable watching her.”

“It’s not that.” Alexsandr bit his lip. “I’m afraid I can’t swim.”

Lira looked at him like he’d just turned purple. “You _can’t swim_? _Everyone_ can swim.”

“Lira!” Zeb said, shushing her. No wonder Alexsandr didn’t own a swimsuit. No wonder he was nervous about getting in the water. “Not everyone gets to learn to swim like you did.”

She mulled over that information and nodded. “I’ll teach you,” she said solemnly.

Zeb almost laughed, but didn’t dare in case Alexsandr thought he was laughing at _him_.

“Lira, I’m not sure–”

“It’s _easy_.” She waved her arms in an approximation of a basic swimming stroke. “See?”

Alexsandr looked at Zeb, slightly panicked. 

Zeb reached out and grabbed Lira, pulling her into his lap. “We’re not going to make Mr. Alexsandr swim if he doesn’t want to, okay? But maybe if you ask nicely, the three of us can go in the shallow end. If he says no, that’s okay too. I’ll go with you and he can wait here.”

She nodded and turned to Alexsandr. “Will you swim with Daddy and me?” she begged.

Alexsandr took a few moments to answer. “Yes,” he said finally. “I’ll swim with you, Lira.”

Zeb and Lira both beamed.

Lira grabbed Alexsandr’s hand again and dragged him off. Zeb followed, smiling at the two of them. 

Alexsandr walked down the steps into the shallow end with enough confidence that Zeb wouldn’t have guessed he didn’t know how to swim. 

Zeb frowned. If Alexsandr was that good at faking something Zeb knew he didn’t enjoy, what else was he faking?

Maybe it was just bravado for Lira’s sake. That would be understandable.

Zeb sat on the edge of the pool, watching Lira lead Alexsandr past the three foot marker. Once he was in up to his chest, she stopped and started telling him how to swim.

Alexsandr looked at Zeb, but he didn’t appear to need a rescue. In fact, he looked a little amused, so Zeb smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up.

That got a slightly bigger smile from Alexsandr and Zeb felt his heart flutter.

Yes, the man was attractive. Yes, he was even more so without a shirt on. But it was the smile that got to Zeb.

Karabast, he _liked_ Alexsandr. There was no way around it anymore.

* * *

“ _Zeb, I’m so sorry_ ,” Hera said. _“Jacen’s got a fever, I’m still in the waiting room at the pediatrician’s, and Kanan’s at work until five_.”

“I gotcha.” Zeb bit his lip, thinking quickly. If Hera couldn’t babysit, then who? He didn’t have time to drive Lira out to Ezra’s house in the suburbs; he had to be at the lawyers’ offices in half an hour. “You need to be there,” he said, trying not to let his anxiety show.

 _“I’m sorry_ ,” Hera repeated. “ _I hate having to cancel on you._ ”

“Stuff happens,” he said. “I’ll figure something out.” 

“ _I’ll owe you one._ ”

He hung up the phone and looked at Lira. “What am I gonna do with you?”

Lira stared back, silent.

Zeb huffed. He couldn’t take Lira with him; she didn’t need to hear what they were discussing.

“Mouse?” Lira said quietly.

“Mr. Alexsandr?” Zeb thought for a second. They’d only known him a month, though they did visit about three times a week. He couldn’t ask Alexsandr to babysit, could he? 

Did he really have another choice?

“Okay. We’ll ask him.” If he said no, Zeb would call the lawyer and cancel. He’d still have to pay for the meeting, but he had no other choice.

Gathering Lira – and his nerves – Zeb knocked on Alexsandr’s door.

Alexsandr answered, his face brightening when he saw them. “Here for Mouse?” he asked.

“Not this time,” Zeb said. “I’ve got to be a horrible neighbor and ask a favor of you, Alex.”

Expression turning serious, Alexsandr nodded. “What is it?”

“I’ve got a meeting I’ve got to get to and my babysitter canceled. Is there any way I can leave Lira with you for an hour and a half or so? You can watch her at our place or here.” He made a pleading face. “I’ve got no other options.”

Alexsandr’s eyes widened as Zeb spoke. “Uh,” he stammered for a moment. He blinked, swallowed, and nodded again. “That’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Zeb asked. “I know this is asking a lot.”

“No, it’s all right,” Alexsandr said. “She can stay here and play with Mouse and I can still get some writing done.”

Relief washed through Zeb. “If you’re certain. I’ll pay you for your time.”

“No,” Alexsandr said. “I can watch her for you this time, no problem.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Zeb said, heartfelt. He’d argue over payment later. He knelt and looked Lira in the eye. “You behave for Mr. Alexsandr, okay? Do what he says and don’t talk back.”

Lira nodded, but it was clear her attention was already focused on Alexsandr’s apartment, where Mouse was visible sitting on the back of the couch.

Zeb gave her forehead a kiss and stood again. “I promise I’ll be back by four,” he said.

“Go,” Alexsandr said. “You sound stressed already. Don’t worry about us.”

 _Hah. Always gonna worry about leaving my kid behind_ , Zeb thought, but he said, “Right then. I’ll see ya.”

Sitting in front of the lawyer half an hour later, Zeb found that he could barely concentrate on what he was being told. Lira and Alexsandr lurked in the back of his mind. Was she pitching a fit? Was Alexsandr regretting his choice to be friendly?

“Mr. Orrelios?” the lawyer asked, leaning forward onto her desk. “Do you need a break?”

Zeb shook his head. “No, just a little overwhelmed.”

“We go to trial in a month,” the lawyer reminded him. “I want to be sure you know how we’re going to approach the charges. I believe we’ll easily get a conviction, but I need you to make sure all my facts are straight.”

“Right.” Zeb refocused his attention on the paperwork in front of him. He had a job to do and he couldn’t worry about Lira and Alexsandr the whole time.

By the time his appointment ended, Zeb was mentally and emotionally exhausted. He put on a good face, however, and knocked on Alexsandr’s door.

Through the door, he heard Lira squeal, “Daddy!”

Alexsandr answered the door, but Lira came barreling past him and jumped into Zeb’s arms. He gave her a squeeze and settled her in on his hip. “Was she a problem?”

“No,” Alexsandr said. His face was troubled, however. “But if you have a moment, I _would_ like to talk to you.”

That didn’t sound good. “Follow me back to our place,” Zeb suggested. “That way I can send this one to play in her room.”

“That’s fine.” Alexsandr’s expression didn’t change.

Trying to quell his worries, Zeb let them into the apartment and deposited Lira in her room. “Tell me the truth,” he said, with a worried glance back at his daughter. “Did she misbehave?”

“She was very well-behaved,” Alexsandr said. “She played with Mouse, mostly.”

There was obviously more. “But?”

Alexsandr looked him in the eyes. “She talked quite a bit.”

“Oh no,” Zeb groaned. “About what?”

“About her Papa,” Alexsandr said. “Zeb, I didn’t know–”

Zeb cut him off with a glare. “You still don’t know.”

“I work in journalism,” Alexsandr reminded him. “I keep up with the local stories. I remember when it happened, but I never connected _that_ family with you.”

Zeb sighed. Alexsandr knew now and would inevitably show Zeb the sympathy he didn’t want. “What about it, Alexsandr?” he asked, not feeling friendly enough to use his nickname.

“I just–” Alexsandr bit his lip. “I wanted you to know I know. And I assume you don’t want me to tell you how sorry I am, because I know I wouldn’t want to hear it. But I’m sure the news only got half of the story. If you want to talk about it, I’d like to hear it.”

Zeb glanced toward Lira’s room. She was in the floor, playing with her stuffed animals. “You want to know what really happened? Are you sure about that?”

“I’m not trying to push,” Alexsandr said.

 _But you are_. “No,” Zeb said. “You’d have found out sooner or later. Might as well be now.”

Zeb gestured for Alexsandr to take a seat on the couch and went to the kitchen.

“Want a drink?” he asked, mentally pulling his story together.

“Just water.”

“Okay.” Zeb grabbed a soda for himself. He’d like something stronger, but he didn’t drink while Lira was awake, on principle. “Tell me what you know and I’ll fill in the rest.”

Alexsandr hesitated a moment after Zeb handed him the glass of water. “I know that back in January, there was a home invasion and that someone – who must have been your husband – was killed. I know they’ve got the man who did it and that the trial is upcoming. I don’t know the details beyond that.”

Zeb nodded. “That’s the basics. What the news didn’t report was that I was out of town when it happened. I was at some stupid continuing education seminar for the long weekend. Lasan and Lira were home alone. From what we’ve been able to piece together, Lasan must have been awakened by the break-in and he tried to keep the intruder from reaching Lira’s bedroom.”

Alexsandr nodded, concern writ upon his face. “Lira saw what happened?” he asked.

Zeb looked away, out the window, trying not to think about what he was saying. “The gun went off and Lasan was killed just outside her bedroom. The bastard ran after that. I’m not sure if he was after valuables or money or what; he hasn’t confessed to anything.” He chewed his lip for a moment, terrified still of all the possibilities. “I got the call at three in the morning. Came straight home, but of course it was too late by then. He was dead before the police got there.”

“Lira is doing remarkably well,” Alexsandr said. “I can only imagine what she went through.”

Somehow, the fact that Alexsandr was focusing on Lira eased Zeb’s mind a little. He glanced down and realized he’d crumpled his soda can at some point during the conversation. “She is,” he agreed. “I’ve got her going to a shrink just to be sure, though.”

“What about you?” Alexsandr asked.

Zeb shook his head. “Can’t afford one for me. I’ll get my therapy when the trial ends and I watch the bastard get hauled off to jail.” He shot Alexsandr another look. _Don’t you dare offer to pay for anything_.

Alexsandr didn’t. He simply watched Zeb for a bit. “I’m sorry you and Lira had to go through that,” he said. “I know that probably doesn’t help anything, but I am.”

That was it. No “that’s horrible”s. No “are you okay”s. No platitudes about death or attempts to call Lasan a hero for protecting Lira.

“I can see why you moved in here,” Alexsandr continued.

“Yeah,” Zeb said. “I’m remodeling the house this summer to sell, but the market isn’t great for murder houses. I just hope I make enough to find Lira and I something back out in the suburbs, closer to work.”

The slightest hint of disappointment flashed across Alexsandr’s face, but it was gone before Zeb could be sure of what he saw. “You’ll be moving back when school starts?”

Zeb shook his head. “No, I’m on leave until the trial is over, so we’ll probably move back this fall.” 

“Tell me about him,” Alexsandr said, changing the subject. “Your husband. If you’re okay talking about him.”

Zeb swallowed. “Yeah, I am.” _It’s been seven months, I ought to be okay by now_.

“So what was he like? How did you meet?” Alexsandr prompted.

“We met in sixth grade,” Zeb said. “Best friends all the way through high school. I think I spent more time at his grandmother’s house than at mine those years.”

“He lived with his grandmother?”

“Sometimes.” Zeb scratched the back of his head. “His parents were messed up. His dad cheated and it broke them apart, sending his mom in a downward spiral. He never did forgive his dad and I don’t guess I did, either, for making my best friend miserable. I mean, _cheating_? Just get a divorce.”

Alexsandr blinked, nodding after a short pause. “That had to be rough for him.”

“When did you figure out you were gay?” Zeb asked.

“Middle school,” Alexsandr said. “Why?”

“Me, not ‘til later. Lasan’s grandmother had us figured out before we did and she kind of smoothed our paths a little. Coaxed us into admitting that we weren’t straight and that we liked each other.” Zeb fidgeted, picking at a fingernail. “We were together all through college and after. Married as soon as it became legal and adopted Lira right after. I, uh, never even dated anyone else. It was always _him_ , y’know?”

One side of Alexsandr’s mouth twitched upwards. “I wish I did.”

Over the last bits of conversation, Alexsandr had stiffened his back and tensed up. _Something_ was making him uncomfortable, but what?

Running a hand through his hair, Zeb changed the subject again. “Thank you for watching Lira for me. I had a meeting with the lawyer and I’m really trying to keep her away from all that.”

“It was no problem,” Alexsandr said. “If you need a babysitter again, I’d be happy to.”

Zeb slapped at his pants pocket, suddenly remembering that he’d offered to pay Alexsandr. “How much do I owe you? What do you usually make hourly?”

“I told you, you don’t have to pay me anything,” Alexsandr said. “She wasn’t difficult at all. I enjoyed the company.”

“You’re sure?” Zeb asked. “I’m not tryin’ to mooch.”

“If you keep taking me to the grocery store, we’ll call it even.” Alexsandr said, staring at Zeb’s face.

That was hardly even, but Zeb wasn’t going to argue. “Stay for dinner,” he said before he thought about what he was saying. “Let me cook. Unless you’re tired of Lira?”

Alexsandr seemed caught off-guard by the invitation, but he nodded. “That would be nice. I was just going to order Thai tonight.”

“Well, I don’t know about Thai, but I do make a mean spaghetti. You allergic to anything?”

“No,” Alexsandr said.

Zeb nodded. He wasn’t going to give Alexsandr an option, then. “Good. You’re my sous chef. Come on.”

* * *

That first night, after Zeb told Alexsandr about Lasan, started something. Almost every other night, Alexsandr joined them for dinner. Often, he stayed after dinner as well, talking with Zeb past Lira’s bedtime. Alexsandr still danced around the topic of his time at _Empire Exclusive_ , but Zeb respected that. He’d talk when he was ready.

Slowly, Zeb called Hera to babysit less and less and used Alexsandr more. Lira seemed to flourish either way and Alexsandr’s place was a lot more convenient. 

One month in, Zeb discovered just how attached Lira had become. When he started to herd Lira into her bedroom, she resisted. “Mr. ‘Sandr, story!”

Zeb looked at Alexsandr curiously. “Story?”

“Oh,” Alexsandr said, flushing. “I’ve been making up a story for her when I watch her.”

“It has astronauts!” Lira said, obviously enamored.

Zeb looked at Alexsandr, who shrugged. “She said she wanted to be one when she grows up.”

“She does,” Zeb agreed. “Don’t let her bully you into doing stuff like that.”

“I don’t mind,” Alexsandr said. He stood and gestured towards Lira’s bedroom. “If it’s okay with you, that is?”

“Yes!” cried Lira.

Zeb shushed her, ruffling her hair. “All right,” he said. “If you’re sure.”

Alexsandr nodded. Zeb let go of Lira and let the two of them go to her bedroom, Lira crying, “Love you, Daddy!” as she went.

A few minutes later, he heard Alexsandr’s smooth voice, with occasional interjections from Lira.

Zeb frowned. He wanted to be glad that Lira had found another adult to trust in her life, but it was tricky. He couldn’t let himself get too close to Alexsandr, couldn’t fall for him.

Except that he was already halfway there.

Zeb slumped back into his chair and rubbed his face. He knew he was in trouble and he knew he ought to distance himself again, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually take that step.

He flipped through channels on the TV, idly looking for something that Alexsandr might want to watch, too. On the science fiction channel, a familiar pulp movie was just getting started.

 _Ice Moons_. The sound of the opening fanfare gave Zeb mixed feelings. The movie itself – a bad knockoff of _Enemy Mine_ – was so bad it was almost good, but it’d been Lasan’s favorite. He’d saved Lasan’s copy of the novel for Lira someday, hoping maybe it’d make her think of him when she was older.

Alexsandr walked out of Lira’s bedroom a few minutes later, shutting the door behind him.

Zeb turned in his chair. “You know you didn’t have to do that.”

Alexsandr smiled softly. “I wanted to. She’s a charming child.”

“She’s a con artist,” Zeb corrected. “Wanna stay for a movie or do you have to get back to Mouse?”

“I can probably–” Alexsandr cut off mid-sentence. “What are you watching?”

“ _Ice Moons_. It’s kind of a cult classic, nothing mainstream,” Zeb said. “It’s fairly decent, although they cut out the gay romance storyline for the movie but what else is new?”

“I– I think I better not stay tonight,” Alexsandr said. “I’m sorry.”

Before Zeb could even get to his feet, Alexsandr let himself out the front door.

Zeb stared at the door, bewildered. What had that been about?

* * *

_I hate to ask you to handle bedtime on your own_ , Zeb texted, _but I am desperately in need of some adult-only away time_.

He wasn’t joking. It’d been over a month since he left the house for anything besides errands and meetings. Kanan had called and asked him to go out with them for a late dinner later that week and Zeb wanted to say yes.

He just had to see if Alexsandr would babysit again.

Zeb looked at the outer wall of his bedroom, the one that backed up to Alexsandr’s bedroom. It was easy to imagine Alexsandr just on the other side of that wall, texting back.

Among other things.

The walls were thin, but Alexsandr had always been a quiet neighbor. Zeb hadn’t even heard him snore through the walls before.

Zeb had almost given up on getting a reply from Alexsandr when the message came. _I’ll watch her. Surely I’ve seen you put her to bed enough by now_.

Zeb snorted. _She’s been on good behavior. She can be a little demon_.

 _I have yet to see that side of her_. A pause, then another text. _Of either of you. You don’t give yourselves enough credit_.

 _Big words from someone who doesn’t socialize with anyone else. Your sample size is too small_. Zeb grinned, knowing Alexsandr was usually good-natured about his anti-social behavior.

He was rewarded with the sound of a laugh through the wall, making Zeb’s grin grow just that little bit wider.

 _I’ll watch your little terror Wednesday. You can pay me in food_.

 _They do say the way to a man’s heart is his_ – Zeb froze, mid-sentence. No, he couldn’t send that. That was stepping into treacherous territory.

 _Can do_ , he sent instead. _Thank you_.

Zeb set his phone on the bedside table and waited a few minutes, hoping to hear it _ding_ again, but it never did.

He switched off the bedside lamp and snuggled down in the bed, one arm outstretched across the empty side where Lasan used to be, just as he did every night.

* * *

Zeb slid into the booth across from Hera and Kanan, releasing a deep breath. It was nice to see his friends again.

On the other hand, they were both eying him pointedly. 

“So when do we get to see our goddaughter again?” Hera asked bluntly.

“It _has_ been a while since you’ve asked us to keep her,” Kanan agreed. “You said your neighbor–?”

Zeb chuckled nervously. “Yeah, finally met the neighbor. Alexsandr. Lira loves him and he’s real good with her. I think mostly he’s lonely. From what he’s said, he’s basically been a hermit for the last year until we started dragging him out.”

“Uh-huh,” Hera said, resting her chin on her hands. “And you’re letting him watch Lira out of the goodness of your heart?”

Eyes widening, Zeb protested, “He’s a friend now. Like I said, he’s good with her.”

Kanan and Hera exchanged glances. “You know,” Kanan said, “Lasan would–”

“ _No_.” Zeb interrupted, speaking firmly. “Don’t even mention it. Don’t tell me what Lasan would want.”

Kanan held out his hands in apology. “I didn’t mean to push, buddy. Just saying that a new friend might be a good thing.”

“Even if it means you avoid us for another month,” Hera added.

Zeb was struck with guilt. “I’m sorry it’s been so long. The trial starts next week and I’m just all caught up in that.”

“I can come to the courtroom with you for the first few days,” Hera offered. “Or I can watch Lira.”

Zeb sighed. He hadn’t gotten around to asking Alexsandr if he’d watch Lira for the long hours of the trial, though they had discussed Zeb’s worries about sitting through the proceedings. “I’ll get something figured out.”

“Does this neighbor of yours work?” Hera asked.

“Journalist,” Zeb said. “Works from home. Or from my home. Or anywhere.”

“That’s handy.” Kanan peered at Zeb from over the menu. “How are _you_? Are you going to be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Zeb confessed. “Being in the same room as that piece of shit, listening to a clinical rehashing of what he did…” He buried his face in his hands for a moment, trying not to get emotional.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Hera said, reaching across the table to lay a calming hand on Zeb’s arm.

“I just–” Zeb paused. “The lawyer and the psychiatrist want me to let Lira testify. I didn’t even know they let kids do that and I definitely don’t know if I want her to have to relive everything.”

Kanan looked horrified, but Hera nodded. “I’ve had to excuse absences for court before. I think it’s a shame, but if it’ll help put that guy away, maybe…?”

“Yeah. I s’pose.” Zeb rubbed his temples. “I worry about her. She’s doing so well, but I’m afraid she’ll always be a little traumatized.”

“She might be,” Kanan said. “But you’re doing everything you can to help her.”

“Yeah…” Zeb repeated. “Enough of that. How is Jacen doing?”

Kanan grinned and started into a story about Jacen’s latest antics. Zeb leaned back and listened, glad to have the topic changed.

Of course, even a topic change didn’t get rid of the knot of anxiety in his stomach. He carried that with him through the meal and an over-drinks conversation that lasted nearly an hour after they finished eating.

By the time Zeb returned to the apartment complex, it was nearly ten-thirty. He hadn’t meant to stay out so late, but he’d sincerely enjoyed himself. Seeing Hera and Kanan left him feeling a little invigorated and more confident in his ability to get through the trial.

He opened the door quietly, hoping not to wake Lira. 

At first, Zeb didn’t see anyone in the apartment and wondered if Alexsandr had taken Lira back to his place, but then he noticed shaggy blond hair sticking out over the couch arm.

Alexsandr must have fallen asleep, too. Zeb circled the couch quietly and saw not only Alexsandr curled up on the couch, but Lira passed out on the other end as well.

Zeb carefully picked up Lira and placed her in bed, tucking her in with a kiss to her forehead.

Back out in the living room, Alexsandr was still sleeping and Zeb noticed that his hair was all messed up – poorly-done braids and butterfly clips decorated his head.

Smiling, Zeb knelt by the couch. “Alexsandr,” he whispered.

The man didn’t stir.

Zeb repeated himself louder a couple times before Alexsandr blinked awake.

 _Fuck_ , Zeb thought. He was even pretty waking up. “I’m home, Alex,” he said, realizing he was stating the obvious. “If you want to get back to your own bed.”

Alexsandr sat up slowly. He tried to brush his hair out of his face, but ran into trouble with Lira’s hairstyling efforts. “I’m sorry, I fell asleep right after she did, I believe.”

“I got her in bed,” Zeb said. “Here, let me help with your hair.”

Alexsandr nodded and canted his head so Zeb could pick out the clips and ties. His hair was softer than Zeb expected, silky and fine to the touch.

He gulped. Helping Alexsandr had been a mistake; the tangle in his gut just twisted all that tighter. He closed his eyes and stepped back, hand full of colorful little clips and rubber bands.

Alexsandr combed out the braids with his fingers and stood. “I’ll, uh, get out of here so you can sleep. How was your date?”

 _Date?_ Zeb frowned. Why did Alexsandr think he’d been on a date? “I was out with my best friends,” he clarified. “Not a date.”

“Oh? Oh!” Alexsandr seemed surprised. “I apologize for misunderstanding, then.”

Zeb stood there, looking at Alexsandr, all messy hair and sleepy eyes, and bit his lip. He _had_ to fight this attraction.

“Good night,” Alexsandr said, breaking eye contact. “I suppose I’ll see you later this week.”

“I’m sure,” Zeb said, following him to the door. “Lira would be heartbroken if you didn’t come over for dinner at least once.”

Alexsandr smiled softly. “She’s a delight, you know. You’ve done very well with her.”

“Nah,” Zeb said. “Lasan was the good parent. I just lucked out that she’s well-tempered.”

“No, you’re better than you think,” Alexsandr insisted. He stopped in the hall just outside the door. “Take care, Zeb.”

“You too, Alex,” Zeb said, one hand on the door as he closed it.

He stood there for a minute, forehead leaned against the back of the door, while his heart settled.

Zeb took a heavy, unsteady breath. _Lasan, forgive me. You’ve only been gone eight months and I’ve already fallen for someone else. Hard. Haven’t felt this way about anyone since we started dating. Didn’t think I ever would again._

 _I’m in such trouble_.

* * *

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you've hung around me, you know I've touted this as my mini-bang fic, but I decided on another fic idea for that - so you get this fic early!
> 
> Mouse the cat is not mine! She belongs to shippingandreceiving!


	2. The Nature of Secrets and Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning this chapter for discussions of infidelity and an adult mentor/mentee relationship.
> 
> If you missed my late note addition to the last chapter, I had a brain fart and forgot to credit shippingandreceiving for letting me use Mouse in my fic!

* * *

* * *

It was strange not to return to school halfway through August. It was stranger still to spend long hours sitting in a courtroom, fighting angry outbursts every time the defense spoke, or his lawyers’ offices, discussing the day’s testimonies and evidence.

The one saving grace was knowing Lira was happy staying with Alexsandr. Each morning, Zeb welcomed Alexsandr into their apartment, where he sat his laptop up on the kitchen table so he could still get his writing done. And each evening, Zeb came home to find that Lira had invariably talked Alexsandr into some sort of outing: the zoo, the park, to a movie, to _Fulcrum_ ’s offices to meet Alexsandr’s editors.

“You have to stop,” Zeb said outright after the zoo trip. “I can’t pay you back for all the money you’re spending on her.”

Alexsandr shook his head. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s fine? You don’t need to pay me back. I enjoy getting to spend time with you two.”

Zeb eyed him warily, but put his wallet back. He’d come to trust Alexsandr, but he still hated to take advantage of him – well, _more_ advantage than he was already taking.

The arrangement worked fine until Zeb came home late one night.

He started apologizing as soon as he opened the door. “Shit, Alex, I know I’m late but the testimonies ran long and I couldn’t leave.”

Alexsandr didn’t respond.

Wondering if he’d fallen asleep again, Zeb circled the couch to find Alexsandr turning over a well-worn paperback in his hand. He held it up. “Did you know?”

“What?” Zeb blinked, caught off-guard. He recognized the book, though. _Ice Moons_ , Lasan’s dumb favorite. “That the movie version was on TV a little while ago? Sure.”

Standing, Alexsandr shook his head, still holding the book up. Something near anger filled his voice. “No, _did you know_?”

Zeb held his hands up in surrender. “Alex, mate, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He glanced at the book, recalling something. “The author’s got the same last name as you, but I didn’t think anything of it ‘cause you said you don’t know any relatives.”

Alexsandr laughed bitterly. “Zeb, _I’m_ the author. This is my awful book. That was my awful movie on TV. I’ve done everything I can to forget the whole experience, but you–” he flipped the book open to the title page “–you’ve got a fucking _signed copy_. I only ever did two signings. How the hell did you end up with this?”

“What?” Zeb repeated. “Wait, _you’re_ Sasha Kallus? I thought that was a woman.”

Alexsandr’s voice dropped even lower. “It’s one of many nicknames for Alexsandr. I got pushed into writing and publishing, so I didn’t want to use my full name.” He stared at Zeb, brown eyes flashing. “I saw this on your shelf that time we went to the pool. I couldn’t believe you actually had a copy, but to find out it’s signed? And– and there’s bits underlined? Zeb!”

Zeb couldn’t figure out what Alexsandr was so angry about. Shouldn’t he happy people liked his book? He’d had no idea Alexsandr was published. Well, not beyond his magazine work. Shouldn’t that be something for Alexsandr to be _proud_ of?

“Karabast, I had no clue it was you,” Zeb said again.

“‘Karabast’? You always say that. What the fuck does it even mean?” Alexsandr fumed.

Zeb’s eyes narrowed. “It’s something I say so I don’t say ‘fuck’ where Lira can hear.” _Lasan came up with it_ , he added mentally.

“Fine,” Alexsandr said. “But you still haven’t answered my question.”

“ _That book_ happened to be Lasan’s favorite,” Zeb said, caught somewhere between anger and grief himself. “He loved it. Read it at least once a year. Adored the movie of it. I’d think that would be a _good_ thing.”

Alexsandr deflated at the mention of Lasan’s name. “It ought to be, but it’s not,” he said. “I hate that I ever wrote this. I hate that it got enough of a cult following to get a movie. I hate what they did in the movie. I hate the professor who pushed me into it all.”

“Is that why you didn’t say anything when I asked you to watch the movie with me?” Zeb asked.

“I thought you must have known,” Alexsandr admitted. “But you never mentioned it again.”

“I had no idea,” Zeb said honestly. “I just wanted to watch something.”

Alexsandr sat back down and Zeb dared to join him on the couch.

“Why do you hate it so much?” Zeb asked.

Alexsandr flipped the book over to the back, pointing to one of the review blurbs: a quote from a Wulff Yularen. Zeb didn’t know the name. “That was my mentor at university. I was studying journalism, but made the mistake of telling him I was working on a novel.”

“Mistake? Did he discourage you or something?”

“The opposite,” Alexsandr said. “He was determined to see me finish it and publish it. So determined, in fact, that he practically took over. Pushed me to add scenes I wasn’t comfortable with. Didn’t let me have control over the final edit. I didn’t even get to pick the cover; he did it for me. Before I knew it, I was a college junior with a published novel I’d barely had any say in.”

“It did pretty well, though, didn’t it?” Zeb asked. “For you to get a movie?”

Alexsandr nodded. “Right after I graduated, I got approached by the movie’s producers. They offered me creative input and I thought it might be my chance to tell the story I’d wanted to all along.”

Zeb nodded. “So did you?”

“No.” Alexsandr gave a short, hollow laugh. “All it meant was that I got to see the script before they shot and help them pick out promotional posters. I watched them butcher my book even more than Yularen had.”

It was starting to make sense why Alexsandr was so unhappy at finding his book. At least, Zeb _thought_ he understood. “You know that despite all that, you made something good, right?” he asked. “I saw how happy your story made Lasan and I know he wasn’t alone.”

Alexsandr looked at the title page once more, screwing up his forehead in thought. “I don’t– I don’t remember anyone specifically from the signings,” he said. “They were whirlwinds and I was bitter about doing them. I’m sorry, I don’t remember meeting Lasan.”

“Didn’t expect you would,” Zeb said honestly. “Lasan told me the line was long enough he had to stand outside at first.”

Alexsandr looked so miserable that Zeb couldn’t help it; he squeezed Alexsandr’s shoulder, his hand lingering just a little longer than it should have.

“I’m sorry, Zeb,” Alexsandr said after a few moments. “I remembered you said you’d looked me up online. I thought surely the book would have been in the results and you’d known this whole time.”

Zeb thought back. “The results were mostly _Empire Exclusive_. I had to go to the second page before I found the _Fulcrum_ stuff.”

Alexsandr huffed. “It figures. _EE_ pays to corrupt search engine results. Just like they corrupt everything else.”

Zeb cocked his head, looking at Alexsandr. “You wanna talk about it?”

“What?” Alexsandr froze.

“ _EE_. You never talk about your time there and anytime th01ey come up, you have something snide to say about them.” Zeb shrugged. “I thought maybe it’d be good to get stuff off your chest.”

“No,” said Alexsandr quickly. “No, I don’t think that’d be good.”

Zeb watched Alexsandr stand, taking the _Ice Moons_ book when it was offered.

“I think I should go,” Alexsandr said. “You need to get to bed.”

“Alex…” Zeb said. 

“No, Zeb,” Alexsandr repeated. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Zeb was helpless to stop Alexsandr from leaving. There was more to be said, he was sure of it, but he didn’t know what or how to approach it. He’d just have to wait for Alexsandr to be ready.

* * *

After learning about the book, things changed yet again. Alexsandr was a little cooler and while Zeb was no less attracted, he felt less inclined to act on it, maybe _because_ Alexsandr was more distant.

Distant only from Zeb, though. Lira still adored their neighbor and Alexsandr seemed to enjoy her company just as much as before. It was no surprise when Lira invited Alexsandr to come to her fifth birthday party.

Rather than try to entertain five- and six-year-olds in his apartment, Zeb had reserved the pool on a Sunday afternoon. Despite the ongoing trial, he managed to call and invite all Lira’s friends and some of his own and get everything ready except for one thing.

The cake. He realized Saturday over dinner that he’d forgotten to order a cake.

Alexsandr, eating with them again, swooped in to the rescue. “I know a great bakery. They’ll have something good pre-made we can buy.”

Zeb noticed the ‘we’. He kind of liked it.

After dinner, they all got in Zeb’s cramped little car and headed uptown, toward the store Alexsandr knew.

The Corusca Market was more upscale than any grocery Zeb had ever been in. Almost everything was organic, with tags marking fair trade status and provenance if possible. The _prices_ were also incredibly upscale.

There was no way Zeb could afford a cake from such a place, not if he wanted to eat the next week. “Alex…” he said, trying to quietly get his attention without alerting Lira.

Alexsandr paused despite Lira tugging at his hand. He seemed to know what Zeb was going to say. “I’ve got it; don’t worry,” he told Zeb.

Zeb _did_ worry. He wanted to protest, but held his tongue in public. “Then you can’t get her a present.”

“Yes, he can!” Lira insisted. “Presents!”

Alexsandr squeezed Lira’s hand and shrugged at Zeb. “Sorry, it appears I’m stuck doing both. The boss has spoken. Besides, I already bought her present.”

Zeb fell in step behind the two again. “You spoil her,” he said, trying to sound disapproving.

Looking over his shoulder, Alexsandr grinned in response.

When he turned back around, Alexsandr pulled Lira to a sudden halt; Zeb almost ran into them.

Lira whined and Zeb noticed Alexsandr was squeezing her hand so tight it was white. “Alex,” he hissed, tapping the man’s arm so he’d let go of Lira. Zeb tugged his daughter away, picking her up.

That was when Zeb noticed the other man who’d entered the aisle: he was tall, pale with blue-black hair, and cheekbones sharp enough to cut paper.

The man eyed their group disdainfully. “Alexsandr,” he said after a moment.

“Thrawn,” Alexsandr replied, straightening up and transforming into someone stiff and unforgiving in pose and voice.

“You mean ‘sir’,” Thrawn said, narrowing his eyes.

Alexsandr didn’t budge. “I meant _Thrawn_. I don’t work for you anymore.”

“You didn’t _work_ for me even when I employed you,” Thrawn said coldly.

Clenching his hands into fists, Alexsandr stared back unwaveringly. “That’s not what you said at the time.”

Thrawn laughed softly, his voice deep and almost mesmerizing. “Lying is the nature of the game. You know that better than anyone, don’t you, Alexsandr?”

Zeb held Lira a little tighter. Somehow, this man seemed dangerous, especially when his gaze came to rest on them.

“Have you picked up new prey already?”

Alexsandr stepped into the middle of the aisle, between Zeb and Thrawn. “Stay away from them,” he warned. “No, actually, we’re leaving.”

“Tucking your tail and running? Again? Your playbook is quite limited.”

Alexsandr’s knuckles were white. “Go away, Thrawn. You’ve got no say over my life anymore.”

“I suppose not.” Thrawn stared at Zeb, giving him the feeling of being x-rayed. “You’re obviously a family man; you should stay away from this one. His very nature breaks families apart.”

Zeb narrowed his eyes, ready to argue for Alexsandr’s sake. It sounded like this was a former boss of his. From the way he was acting, this Thrawn must work at _Empire Exclusive_ and must be part of the reason Alexsandr never wanted to talk about his time there.

Thrawn laughed again. “Oh, Alexsandr, when will you learn? You will lose it all, every time. That’s simply your lot in life. I would have thought you learned that lesson already.” He looked at Zeb disdainfully again. “Next time, perhaps you should shop somewhere a little more… on their level.”

Thrawn didn’t wait for a response; he walked past Alexsandr and Zeb without a second look.

Alexsandr was breathing hard, hands still in fists, when Zeb approached him.

“Alex? You okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” he responded, forcing himself to relax. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know we’d run into someone unpleasant here.”

“Who was that?” Zeb asked.

Alexsandr shook his head. “Not here. Not in front of–”

 _Ah._ So it was _that_ sort of thing. “Let’s leave,” Zeb suggested. “We can pick up a cake somewhere else.”

“No,” Alexsandr said firmly. “I won’t be chased out of a store because of him. We’re getting that cake.” He continued on to the bakery in the back, his composure completely changed from the easygoing man they’d entered the store with.

Lira recovered quickly from the encounter, happily picking out a chocolate cake with strawberries. Zeb heard the price as Alexsandr checked out and had to stop himself from protesting again. He knew by now that it would be futile, especially with Alexsandr in as dark a mood as he seemed to be in.

Back at the apartment complex, Alexsandr tried to veer off to his own apartment right away, but Zeb wanted answers. Shifting the cake to one hand, he grabbed Alexsandr’s arm with the other and pulled him into their apartment.

“Lira, go start getting ready for bed,” Zeb instructed, keeping his eyes on the flighty Alexsandr.

“Zeb, I should go,” Alexsandr said. “Really, I just need to–”

“No,” Zeb said, using his ‘strict teacher’ voice. “That man insulted Lira and I and obviously has a history with you. I think I deserve an explanation.”

Alexsandr shrank in on himself. “You don’t want that, Zeb, believe me.”

“Now see?” Zeb said. “That tells me I absolutely need to know.”

Alexsandr didn’t say anything.

Zeb watched him for a moment. “He wasn’t just your boss, was he?”

Looking away, Alexsandr swallowed. “No.”

“Then what was he?”

“Do you remember me telling you about my mentor in college, Yularen?” Alexsandr asked.

Zeb crossed his arms. “I do. What does he have to do with anything?”

“He funneled me straight out of college into working for _EE_. I started at the bottom, but quickly caught the editor’s notice.” Alexsandr looked up. “Thrawn is the editor.”

“Okay,” Zeb said. “So he noticed you. What did that involve?”

“At first, nothing much. Some assignments that probably ought to have gone to veteran writers, a few front-page spreads.”

“That doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“It wasn’t, but it was,” Alexsandr said. “It wasn’t until Thrawn’s protégé, Eli, moved on to be editor of his own paper that anything happened.”

Zeb waited for Alexsandr to continue.

“Thrawn took me under his wing as his new protégé. And I found out that involved more than just being mentored. It involved being in his bed.” Alexsandr made a sickly face.

Zeb startled. “He forced you–? That bastard!”

“No,” Alexsandr said. “It was entirely consensual. I liked what I was doing at the time.”

“So you slept with your boss to get ahead,” Zeb said. “It’s not exactly moral, but you’re hardly the first to do it.”

“Zeb, I wasn’t a good man back then. I’m not a great one now, but I was really bad. I ruined people’s lives and got paid to do it. I undermined people’s authority, threatened politicians with exposés, and turned a blind eye to any _actual_ injustices.” Alexsandr stopped and looked Zeb in the eye. “But the worst was probably that Thrawn was married and I knew it. I didn’t care, as long as it helped my career. And, foolishly, I thought Thrawn was genuinely fond of me.”

Zeb’s eyes widened. He’d never imagined Alexsandr could be, well, ‘the other man’. His heart clenched, thinking involuntarily of Lasan’s dad. “What changed?” he asked after a moment.

“A year ago, I did a spread on a young businessman, Lyste, and completely destroyed his career. Found out later that it also destroyed his family and he was left nearly destitute.”

“It woke you up?” Zeb asked.

“It woke me up. And I confronted Thrawn about what we were doing, said I wanted to quit. He threatened to ruin _my_ career, blacklist me in the journalism world, so I threatened to go to his wife, Arihnda.” Alexsandr worried at his hair, tugging at some loose blond locks.

“Did you?” Zeb suspected he knew the answer.

“I did,” Alexsandr confirmed. “I told her about myself and Eli and she left him. He followed through on his threat to blacklist me. Only _Fulcrum_ was brave or foolhardy enough to take me on.”

Zeb didn’t know what to say.

“Like I said, I’m not a good man.” Alexsandr spoke softly, apologetically. “I did some horrible things and enjoyed doing them. I moved away from midtown, into this complex, and tried to hide away so I didn’t destroy anyone else’s lives. But Thrawn’s right, Zeb. At some point, I will ruin yours and Lira’s lives. It’s what I do.”

Before Zeb could say anything more, Alexsandr fled. Zeb heard the door to his apartment slam shut.

Lira came out of the bathroom. “Brushed my teeth!” she announced.

Distracted, Zeb praised her and hustled her into her bedroom. He read only two stories, to Lira’s chagrin, before making her try to sleep.

Zeb wasn’t sure he could sleep. The things that Alexsandr confessed to were bad, no doubt. But for the past three months, Alexsandr had been nothing but kind and generous and giving to them.

He pulled up some of Alexsandr’s old stories on the internet and read through them again, this time hearing the cold voice Alexsandr had used in the grocery store.

It seemed like he knew two different Alexsandrs. The one who taught his daughter to play with cats and gave up part of his working day to watch her – and the one who tore down reputations and marriages without remorse.

Zeb believed people deserved second chances, or he used to. He didn’t believe in a second chance for the man who murdered Lasan and that anger was a big change for him.

Did Alexsandr deserve a second chance?

Yes. Yes, he did. He’d proven himself a changed man. 

Zeb picked up his phone and texted Alexsandr. _We still want you at the party tomorrow. Please come_.

He got no response.

* * *

The late August sun was brutal at Lira’s party, but it didn’t seem to slow down any of the children. Even little Jacen was in a float, being pushed around the pool by Kanan.

Zeb stood with the adults, chatting with the other parents and the few family members who’d come into town for the day. He kept glancing at the door, however, looking for someone who wasn’t there.

Finally, just before they served the cake, Alexsandr showed up – in brand new swim shorts, Zeb noticed – carrying a present under his arm.

Zeb couldn’t take his eyes off him. And Alexsandr immediately sought him out, meeting his gaze.

Hera bumped his shoulder. “Is that–?”

“My neighbor,” Zeb answered.

“Huh.” Hera crossed her arms and watched Lira clamber out of the pool to go give Alexsandr a wet hug. “Lira seems attached.”

“She is.”

“Are you?”

Zeb shot Hera a look and waved Alexsandr over. He introduced his two friends, trying to act friendly enough Alexsandr knew he wasn’t mad, but not so friendly that others called him out on it.

It was a delicate balance and he thought he got it right.

Hera and Zeb served the cake to kids and adults alike and then helped Lira open her presents.

Most of them were unremarkable, toys that would probably break easily, but Alexsandr’s box – a little bigger than the others – revealed a dress-up outfit and a few books.

It was an astronaut costume, complete with silvery helmet and books on space that were probably just a little too advanced for her, but she’d grow into them. Lira’s eyes lit up when she saw the outfit.

“You remembered,” Zeb said to Alexsandr.

Zeb wasn’t sure if the pink on Alexsandr’s skin was from the sun or embarrassment, but the man nodded. “Of course I did. You said she wanted to be one.”

Zeb couldn’t help his smile.

He also couldn’t help but watch Alexsandr get dragged into the pool again by Lira and the way his new olive green swim shorts clung to him when wet.

“Earth to Zeb,” Kanan said, walking up next to him.

“I’m watching Lira,” Zeb lied.

Kanan laughed, full and hearty. “Of course you are.”

“Shut up.” Zeb turned to face Kanan. “It’s nothing.”

“Of course not.” Kanan grinned. “You do look a little troubled while you’re staring, though. Everything all right?”

Zeb shrugged. “Can I tell you later? It’s not really appropriate for a party.”

“That kind of thing?” Kanan asked, eyebrows raised.

“No. But something.”

“Wow, you two are eloquent,” said Hera, joining them with Jacen on her hip. “So it’s probably not the time to ask, but how is the trial going?”

“Pretty close so far,” Zeb said. “We’ve got a neighbor who saw the guy running whose testimony was good, but they’ve got character witnesses for him and something of an alibi.”

“But he’ll be convicted, right?” Kanan asked.

Zeb shrugged. “The lawyer’s asking me to have Lira there to see if she can identify him or at least tell what she saw.”

“You’d said that before. Have you decided?” Hera looked at Zeb completely nonjudgmentally. How she managed that, he had no idea.

He nodded. “I think I’m taking her. Her psychiatrist thinks she’ll be okay.”

Hera put a hand on his back. “She’s a strong kid. You’re a good father. She’ll do well.”

Zeb hoped so.

He didn’t get a real chance to talk to Alexsandr before he slipped out at the end of the party. Zeb sighed; he’d really hoped to get a chance to tell the man that Zeb wouldn’t hold his past against him.

As he picked up pieces of wrapping paper and used paper plates and plastic forks, Zeb found himself cornered by Lasan’s grandmother, Chava.

“Hey, Gran,” he said fondly. He felt like Chava was his family too, even if they weren’t related by blood. Eccentric family, but family nonetheless.

“Zeb,” she said, looking up at him. “Who was the handsome guy Lira dragged around?”

“Oh, uh, that’s our neighbor. He’s been babysitting her and she’s gotten attached.”

“She’s not the only one,” Chava said knowingly, elbowing Zeb.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zeb protested.

“Oh come on,” she said. “Everyone with eyes here could see the way you were watching him.”

Zeb felt his cheeks burn. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I try not to, but–” _But I’m weak._

Chava scoffed. “I know my grandson and Lasan would want you to move on and be happy, especially with someone who loves Lira as much as you do.”

“The trial isn’t even over, Gran!” Zeb was horrified.

Chava shook her head. “Love strikes when it strikes. Who are we to question it?”

Zeb sighed. “He doesn’t have a good past. He hid it for a long time, but I found out yesterday. He wasn’t always this nice.”

“But he _is_ nice now?”

“He is. And I think he can be a good friend, but I don’t know if I can trust him for anything else.”

“Do you really believe he’s changed?” Chava asked. “Or are you putting on a face? I can tell when you’re lying, Garazeb, don’t forget.”

Zeb chewed his lip for a few moments. “I do,” he said. “I think he’s a good person now.”

Chava slapped his back. “Then follow your heart, fool!” She grabbed the trash bag from him. “I’ll finish up here. You go find him.”

“I’m not– No, Gran,” Zeb sputtered. “I’m not going to ask him out.”

“Not yet, maybe. But you still need to talk to him, don’t you?” Chava looked at him and winked.

Zeb rolled his eyes. It was hard to say no to Chava, especially since she was usually right. Even if he wasn’t comfortable trying to _start_ something with Alexsandr, he needed to go make sure they weren’t _finished_.

He looked around. Lira was with Hera, showing off her presents. Zeb caught Hera’s eye and pantomimed him leaving. She nodded.

Zeb pulled his shirt on and snuck back to the sixth floor. Alexsandr answered the door so quickly Zeb wondered if he’d been waiting.

“Alex, we need to talk about last night.”

Alexsandr deflated a little. “Of course,” he said, moving aside to let Zeb in.

Zeb gave Mouse a head scratch where she sat on the back of the couch, trying to formulate his words.

Alexsandr watched him pet the cat, waiting patiently for Zeb to say something.

“Look,” Zeb said. “I can’t say I wasn’t upset by what you said you’ve done. I told you about Lasan’s parents and what cheating did to them, and then to hear you did the same thing…”

“Zeb, I–”

Zeb held up a hand to forestall any comments. “Let me finish, Alex.” He took a deep breath, looking at Alexsandr even if Alexsandr wouldn’t look at him. “I’ve had to ask myself lately what I think about second chances. I can’t bring myself to forgive the man who killed Lasan and I’ve been holding that anger in for nearly eight months now. You told me you did something I’ve found unforgivable in the past.”

Alexsandr bit his lips and looked toward his rock collection, but Zeb wasn’t sure he was really seeing them.

He continued. “But I’m a teacher, too, even if I’ve been on leave the entire time you’ve known me. And one of the things I want my students to learn is that you judge people based on their present, not their past.”

That got Alexsandr’s attention; he finally looked Zeb in the eyes.

“And in the time I’ve known you, Alex, you’ve been a _good man_. You’ve been amazing with my daughter when you had no reason to even look at us twice. You’ve been a good friend to _me_. And I’ve been reading your stuff for _Fulcrum_ and it’s just as good as you are.” Zeb held his hands out at his sides, an ‘I don’t know’ gesture. “I have to conclude that you aren’t the same person you used to be. Maybe you’d feel that way too, if you tried to fix some of what you did.”

“I can’t fix what I did, Zeb,” Alexsandr said. “It’s done and I can’t do anything.”

“You can reach out to that last guy you hurt, that L-something guy. Maybe get him a job working with _Fulcrum_ or help him find his footing otherwise,” Zeb said. “It’s been a year, so he might be okay again, but an apology would be a good start.”

Alexsandr nodded shortly, still obviously distressed.

Zeb started to reach out and squeeze Alexsandr’s shoulder, but he hesitated a moment too long and Alexsandr pulled away, sitting down on the couch and burying his face in his hands.

“Alex? You okay?” Zeb asked, taking a step closer.

“I’m fine,” Alexsandr said, looking back up. He didn’t look fine but Zeb wasn’t going to argue the point. “I just need some time.”

“Fair enough,” Zeb said. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad, though.”

“You didn’t,” Alexsandr replied. “I did that myself.”

“If you don’t want to watch Lira tomorrow, I can figure something else out.” Zeb wasn’t sure what, but he’d figure out something. Maybe he could talk Chava into staying through the end of the trial.

Alexsandr shook his head. “No, I said I’d watch her and as long as you still want me to, I will.”

“Okay,” Zeb said. “I’ll leave now, but I’ll see you in the morning.”

Alexsandr watched him silently.

Zeb stopped in the doorway. “See ya, Alex.”

* * *

Alexsandr watched Lira the next two days and things almost returned to normal. Well, as normal as they could be when Zeb was spending his days at a murder trial.

The trial was coming to a close and Zeb came home more and more stressed each night. He was terrified that somehow, the jury would rule ‘not guilty’ and then his months-long nightmare would go on for years as the police tried to find the actual culprit.

So when Wednesday rolled around, the last day of the trial _and_ the day he was bringing Lira with him, Zeb was doubly stressed. What would his daughter hear while she was there? Would she be traumatized by the experience? Hadn’t she gone through enough?

Zeb forced Lira into a dress that morning and wrangled her thick curls into a bun. She fussed the whole time, but Zeb let it slide, not wanting to stress her prematurely.

Just as he was getting ready to leave, a knock came at the door.

It was Alexsandr.

“You’re off today,” Zeb said. “I’m taking her with me.”

“I’m coming too,” Alexsandr said. “I can bring her home after she’s through and then you don’t have to worry about her.”

“Alex,” Zeb said, giving him a look. “You don’t have a car and you’re not taking her home on your bike.”

“No, I’ll get us an Uber,” Alexsandr explained. “It’ll be fine and you’ll have one less stressor.”

Zeb almost protested, but he realized that Alexsandr was right. If he had Lira, Zeb wouldn’t worry. He could face the jury deliberation alone.

“All right,” Zeb said. 

Alexsandr smiled. “You’re welcome.”

Lira seemed nonplussed by the idea of coming home with Alexsandr; she’d spent so many days with him now, he was more than just a babysitter, Zeb reflected. More like an uncle. Or something.

The three of them rode quietly to the courthouse, Lira watching out the window at the unfamiliar part of the city.

To Zeb’s surprise, Hera and Kanan were waiting outside the courtroom.

“You’re supposed to be at work, both of you,” Zeb fussed.

Hera shook her head. “Not on verdict day,” she said. “We’re here for you and Lira, all day.”

Zeb let out a deep breath. “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you so much.”

Kanan gave a wry grin. “You’re family, buddy. A herd of elephants couldn’t have stopped us from coming today. We’re just sorry we couldn’t be here the whole time.”

“This is good enough,” Zeb said.

Lira’s testimony went smoothly, to Zeb’s great relief, and Alexsandr shuffled her out of the courtroom after.

“He’s a good friend,” Hera said, giving Zeb a look.

“Don’t start,” Zeb warned.

Kanan put a hand on his back. “It’s okay, you know? You can love them both.”

Zeb didn’t have to ask which ‘both’ he meant.

* * *

How Zeb drove home that night, he wasn’t sure. He certainly couldn’t see through the tears.

The verdict had been delivered rather quickly: guilty on all charges, with the sentencing hearing in a couple of days. It was exactly what Zeb had been hoping for.

But it was also final.

 _I can let you rest now, Lasan_ , Zeb thought as he sat in the parking lot, weeping. **_I_** _can rest now. I can let you go_.

Letting go was easier said than done. Zeb certainly felt his anger bleed away as he cried, knowing that at least no one else would be hurt by the same man. But even as he moved from anger to acceptance, he knew he’d always be marked by what had happened to Lasan.

He dried his eyes and trudged up to the apartment. It was just after dinnertime; maybe there would be leftovers of whatever Lira and Alexsandr had.

He could hear Lira giggling as he approached his door, which almost made him smile. There was still some normalcy in her life, then. Silence fell when he entered, however.

After a second, Lira scrambled across the floor and leapt at him. Zeb caught her easily and held her tight. “How did you know I needed a hug from you?” he asked.

“Mr. ‘Sandr said you would,” she said matter-of-factly.

He hugged her again. “He was right,” he said, looking over Lira’s shoulder to Alexsandr. “But I need to talk to him now, okay, sweetheart? Go play in your room.”

Once Lira was safely distracted with her new astronaut costume, Alexsandr asked, “How did it go?”

“Guilty,” Zeb said. “So as well as it could have.”

Alexsandr stepped forward, approaching Zeb.

Zeb took a step back. “Alex…”

“No,” Alexsandr said. “I’m not– I’m just– Karabast, I’m not very good at this.” While Zeb was in shock hearing his own fake swear word, Alexsandr hugged Zeb.

Or at least he tried to. It was an awkward thing, but heartfelt, Zeb could tell. Alexsandr was really trying to be comforting.

And that touched Zeb, more than anything. He felt tears leaking out again, tears he thought he’d run out of, and returned the hug.

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that,” Alexsandr said, not quite pulling away. “I wish I could have protected all three of you.”

“Alex, you didn’t know us,” Zeb said.

“Still. It doesn’t change that would have, if I could.”

Unsure how to respond, Zeb slipped out of the hug and wiped his eyes again. “I think I just need to be alone tonight,” he said. _One last night with Lasan_.

Alexsandr nodded, and gathered up his things, slipping out while Zeb stood there watching Lira.

Once they were alone, Zeb quietly entered Lira’s bedroom. She’d thrown the covers off the bed and was sleeping in some uncomfortable-looking contortion, so he straightened her out and tucked her back in. Kneeling by her bed once she was settled, Zeb kissed her forehead. “You did well, baby girl,” he whispered. “We got him. You’re safe again.”

Lira didn’t wake at the sound of his voice, thankfully. Zeb gave her another kiss and snuck to his own bedroom, closing the door partway behind him.

His own bed still seemed too big and too empty, but for once, it didn’t feel like an accusation. It didn’t feel like it’d been his fault for not being at home. It didn’t feel like it should have been him instead.

It felt like he’d finally be able to sleep untroubled. And he did.

* * *

The next morning, Zeb woke feeling rested for once. His heart still hurt, missing Lasan, but he knew it was time to move on. And, thanks to his talk with Chava, that no longer felt like a betrayal.

He had nowhere to be, not until the next week when he started back teaching. At some point, he wanted to talk to the long-term sub who’d been covering for him, but that would wait until after school hours.

He was able to spend his morning being lazy with Lira again, making pancakes – yes, tiny pancakes – for them both. They played a seemingly endless game of Chutes and Ladders. Zeb read her stories before naptime.

Their routine was back, but something felt off.

Alexsandr wasn’t there.

Zeb knew what he needed to do. He waited until Lira was in bed that night and then went to knock on Alexsandr’s door.

He answered, looking just as rumpled as he had that first time. “Zeb?”

“Alex,” Zeb answered, concerned. He was in the same clothes from the day before. “You okay?”

Alexsandr ran a hand through his hair. “Yes, I was– I just didn’t think I’d see anyone today.”

Zeb looked him up and down and realized nothing had changed for him. “The trial’s over now,” he started, “and I’m trying to start new. Uh, look, maybe I completely misread things, but I wondered if you’d like to go get dinner with me sometime.”

Alexsandr took a moment to answer, eyes wide. “With you and Lira or just you?”

“Just me.” Zeb held his breath, waiting for an answer.

“I’d say yes to either,” Alexsandr said. “But are you sure you’re ready?”

“No,” Zeb admitted. “But I want to try, if you’ll let me.”

Alexsandr licked his lips as he thought, drawing Zeb’s attention. “This weekend?” he asked. “Or would a weekday be better for you?”

“Weekend,” Zeb said, forcing his gaze back up to Alexsandr’s eyes. “Maybe tomorrow night? I can get Kanan and Hera to watch Lira.”

“That sounds fine.” Alexsandr nodded. “Text me what time you want to go. You know I’m available anytime.”

“Yeah,” Zeb said. “And that flexibility’s been a great help. Thank you.”

A thought crossed Zeb’s mind – _Is he flexible in other ways?_ – and for once, he didn’t berate himself for it.

“You know I was happy to do it,” Alexsandr said. “She’s a wonderful kid.”

“Yeah…” Zeb trailed off. He forced a smile. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, but I’d better get back in case she wakes up.”

After a brief goodbye, Zeb shut the door to his apartment and crashed in his recliner, feeling like he’d just run a mile.

Hopefully the date wouldn’t be that nerve-wracking.

It was.

From the first moment, when they both reached for the restaurant’s door handle, things were awkward.

Conversation was stilted – without Lira there, without the trial going on, without the distraction of a movie on TV, what did they have to talk about? They’d covered the small talk topics months before and they already knew each other’s deepest secrets. Zeb was forced to admit they hadn’t spent enough time together to built up that sort of rapport they needed to carry a conversation.

Eventually, talk flowed better; Zeb told Alexsandr about his plans for returning to teaching and Alexsandr admitted he’d tracked down Lyste and planned to reach out to him. Alexsandr talked about doing the interviews for his latest article – for the first time in a very long while, he was going to do an in-person interview instead of via voice call or email. Zeb almost told stories about his childhood, but they all included Lasan and he danced around that topic, not wanting to make Alexsandr uncomfortable.

Everything that happened, though, Zeb compared to his life with Lasan. He’d never _been_ with anyone else in that way. He’d flirted clumsily in high school, but starting to date Lasan had just gone so smoothly. Zeb had hoped things would go that way with Alexsandr too.

When it came time to pay, they both reached for the check. They ended up splitting the bill, but Zeb felt guilty. _He’d_ asked _Alexsandr_ out, so he should have paid, right? That was how things worked.

The drive home was quiet, only a few comments passing back and forth until they got to the apartment complex.

Zeb wondered if he and Alexsandr could actually be friends or if it was all contingent on Alexsandr helping their family. Could they be something more? Could they get past this travesty of a date?

They parted in the hall with an awkward goodbye and the door shut behind Zeb with a final _thump_. The apartment was dark and quiet with Lira gone for the night and it was felt strange.

Zeb sighed, unbuttoning his shirt. Had his first few dates with Lasan been that stilted? It’d been so long, he could barely remember, but they _had_ gone from friends to dating to married.

He’d been successful with Lasan. Could he be with Alexsandr?

 _I probably won’t ever know_ , he thought ruefully. _I didn’t even give him a hug._

 _I wish I’d kissed him_.

A sudden wave of determination washed over Zeb. Was he really willing to let the evening end on such a weak note? Alexsandr was just next door, it wasn’t like he’d driven off for good.

 _I **should** kiss him_.

Mustering his courage, Zeb spun and opened the door back to the hallway–

–only to find Alexsandr standing there, looking just as nervous as Zeb felt.

“Zeb, I–” Alexsandr stared, but he never finished.

Zeb had just enough time to stammer out Alexsandr’s name before the man grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

Alexsandr was a good kisser, Zeb was delighted to find out. They stumbled back into Zeb’s apartment, Alexsandr kicking the door closed behind them. 

Zeb broke the kiss first. “Alex,” he murmured, still leaned in close enough he could feel Alexsandr’s breath on his cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

“I know why you haven’t,” Alexsandr said. “But I’ve been wishing we could almost since we met.”

Zeb grinned. “Since we met?”

“Well, it’s not every day you discover your neighbor is so ruggedly handsome it makes you want to melt.”

“Melt?” Zeb laughed, but he sobered quickly. “If you want out, if you just want something casual, then this is your time to leave. I don’t want Lira to hurt any more than she already would.”

Alexsandr shook his head. “Zeb, haven’t you figured out I want to be in this for the long run?”

Zeb reached up and brushed soft hair from Alexsandr’s face. “I’d hoped so. But I can’t _ask_ you to take on us both.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.” Alex leaned in and kissed Zeb again. 

Zeb slid his arms around Alexsandr this time, holding him close, flush against his body. Alexsandr made a whimpering noise, leaning into Zeb’s embrace. “Then stay,” he invited. “Stay tonight. And as many other nights as you want.”

Alexsandr held Zeb’s face in his hands, thumbs running through Zeb’s beard. “You’ve been through so much,” he said. “Let me take care of you tonight.”

Zeb kissed him once more – it’d been _so long_ since he kissed anyone, it felt like – and motioned towards the bedroom. “Show me,” he challenged.

Alexsandr trailed a hand down Zeb’s chest and picked up one of his hands. “With pleasure,” he promised.

Zeb certainly hoped so.

* * *

* * *


	3. The Way Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for blood (nosebleed).
> 
> Y'all, I'm really bad at remembering to thank people, so let me take a moment to tell you about Sempaiko, who was not only the amazing artist, but a cheerleader and brainstorming partner and all-around amazing human and friend. I don't know how many hours she spent encouraging me and reassuring me that this fic was something worth writing, as well as helping me come up with the finer details for this fic and also for all the other stuff I write!

It was a chilly morning, but Zeb was warm and comfortable. For the first time in eight months, his bed wasn’t empty.

Alexsandr slept next to him, on his stomach with his arms up under the pillow. The glow coming in from behind Zeb’s curtains outlined his shoulder muscles with light and shadow, accentuating just how attractive the man truly was.

 _And he’s in my bed_ , Zeb marveled. He reached out and pulled the blanket up enough to cover Alexsandr’s exposed upper back, accidently brushing his skin in the process.

Alexsandr let out a soft grunt and blinked a few times before he focused on Zeb. “Good morning, Zeb.”

Zeb smiled. “Good morning, Alex.”

Rolling on his side, Alexsandr stretched his now-free arm, letting it come to rest on Zeb’s neck. “Sleep well?”

Reaching up to grab Alexsandr’s hand, Zeb nodded. “You?”

“Had only one problem,” Alexsandr said.

Zeb immediately worried. Had he snored? Was the bed uncomfortable? “What?”

“Had nothing to dream about because I was already here.”

It took Zeb a moment to process that, but he laughed when he did. “I never would’ve guessed you’d be the sappy one.”

Alexsandr flushed. “Was that too much?” he asked. “I knew that was too far.”

“No,” Zeb said, raising up so he could lean in, gently kissing Alexsandr. “It’s endearing. _You’re_ endearing.”

Alexsandr chased the kiss as Zeb leaned back, propping himself up over Zeb and moving to straddle him. “I can be so much more than that.”

Zeb glanced over at the clock: it was almost time for Kanan to drop Lira off. “I’m sure you can,” he sighed. “But you can’t this morning.”

“Why not?” Alexsandr gave a pretty pout. He picked up Zeb’s hands and placed them on his hips. 

Zeb squeezed obligingly, sighing. He desperately wanted to take Alexsandr up on the offer, but he had to think of someone other than himself. “Lira,” he said. “She’ll be home soon. I don’t want to be in the middle of something–”

“Right.” Alexsandr immediately dropped the act, though he didn’t move. “That makes sense. But I want a rain check.”

Zeb smiled at him and tucked some loose hair behind Alexsandr’s ear, trailing his fingers down the man’s jawline. “I would be happy to pick this back up tonight or any other night but right now we should both get dressed. And you should probably get back to your apartment. Mouse will think you abandoned her.”

Sliding out of bed, Alexsandr laughed. He offered Zeb a hand to help him up, as well. “Cats have a reputation of being aloof loners, but the reality is that they’re needy for attention. It just has to be on their terms.”

 _Sounds familiar_ , Zeb thought. “If she’s needy, she ought to hate me. I’ve been taking your days and I’d like to take your nights, too.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Alexsandr said, giving Zeb a quick peck. He sorted through their pile of clothes, pulling on his slacks.

“Did you have anything else with you?” Zeb ought to remember, but he’d been a little distracted the night before.

“Just what I was wearing. I didn’t know I’d end up in bed with you. I hoped, but I didn’t know for sure.”

Zeb smiled. “I didn’t know what would happen when I came to find you, but I think it turned out pretty good.”

Alexsandr stopped, straightening out his shirt. “I’m glad you turned around. I was very close to retreating when you opened the door. I was afraid to push you, but the look on your face told me I’d made the right choice in staying.”

“You did,” Zeb agreed, keeping one eye on the clock. “But I’m afraid I have to hustle you out of here.”

Alexsandr nodded and picked up his shoes and blazer. Carrying them, he gave Zeb one last kiss and snuck back to his apartment.

His departure was none too soon. Five minutes later, Kanan and Lira knocked at the door.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Zeb greeted his daughter. “Did you have fun with Jacen?”

Lira wrinkled her nose and Zeb picked her up in one arm, taking her bag with the other. “He’s so _little_ ,” she complained. “He cried.”

Zeb bounced her, stifling a laugh. “You were like that at his age, you know.”

She made a disgusted face. “No, I wasn’t!”

“You were,” Kanan confirmed. “But you grew out of it and so will he.”

“Hope so,” she grumbled. “Down, daddy.”

Zeb set her back down and she ran off to her room.

Kanan’s grin turned sharply knowing. “Those look like last night’s clothes.”

“I slept in, had to grab something in a hurry.”

“You grabbed _something_ in a hurry.” Kanan’s grin grew wider. “You slept with him.”

“I– that’s none of your business,” Zeb protested.

It was futile. “I made it my business in college when you hooked up with Lasan and I’ll make it my business now. We may not be dormmates anymore, but I reserve the right to always stick my nose in your business.”

“It’s certainly big enough,” Zeb joked, trying to ignore the burning of his cheeks. “Fine. He spent the night.” He braced himself for some comment about moving on quickly.

It didn’t come. “Good for you, buddy!” Kanan sounded genuinely happy.

“Yeah, good for me,” Zeb said quietly. “You really think it’s all right?”

Kanan gave Zeb a look. “When have I ever lied to you?”

“Well, there was that whole time you were hiding your relationship with Hera…”

“Other than that!” Kanan waved his hand. “Point is, it’s a good thing you’ve found someone. He seems pretty attached to you and Lira and that’s all you can ask, right? That’s the most important thing.”

“Yeah.” Zeb fell quiet, thinking.

“I heard you talking to Lasan’s gran,” Kanan pointed out. “She told it to you straight. Lasan would _want_ you to find someone new, someone who adored both of you. Watching him at that party and at the trial the other day? You’ve found that.”

Zeb nodded. If Kanan and Hera and Chava were all supportive, why should he feel any trepidation? “Maybe we can all four go out sometime so you can get to know him.”

“We’d love that.” Kanan smiled. “As long as he’s ready for one of Hera’s grillings.”

“He’s a journalist,” Zeb said. “He’s used to _giving_ the grillings.”

Kanan sighed. “I’m gonna head back home, but I’ll ask Hera to find a time. Maybe Ezra can watch the kids for us.”

“Sounds good.” Zeb paused. “Thanks for giving me the night, Kanan.”

“I think you needed it,” Kanan said.

Zeb really couldn’t argue. He’d needed it more than he knew; not just the sex, but the company. The connection with another adult. The affection. The – dare he say it? – _love_.

* * *

The halls of Atollon High were busy even before school started. Students sat in little groups, blocking the hallways, talking and chatting before classes.

Zeb wound his way through the clumps of students, saying hi to the few that called out to him, and unlocked the gym office.

Or he tried to. The door was already unlocked.

Inside was his desk, piled high with notes from his substitute, and the desk for the girl’s gym teacher, Mrs. Fletcher.

Except that Mrs. Fletcher wasn’t there. A young woman – barely more than a girl, Zeb thought – sat leaned back in the chair, feet propped up on the desk. Her hair was brown with bright purple tips. 

She sat up. “You must be Zeb Orrelios,” she said, hopping lightly to her feet and holding out a hand. “I’m Sabine Wren. I’m new this year.”

Zeb shook her hand tentatively. Hera hadn’t mentioned he’d be working with a new teacher. Not that he minded, but it _was_ a surprise. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Great!” she said. “You’ve got notes, but if you have any questions, I can probably answer them.”

Sitting down at his desk, Zeb shuffled through the papers. There was more than he’d have time to read before class began. “Tell me the basics. Where are the classes now?”

“Well, I’ve got the girls outside doing climbing,” Sabine said, “and the boys are working on an obstacle course. Didn’t you see it set up in the gym? Oh, and there’s a sixth period Driver’s Ed class. And fourth period off.”

“Climbing?”

“I’ve set up a bouldering wall outside,” she said. “Used a chunk of our budget, but I think it was a good investment. Hera agreed with me, too.”

Zeb nodded. “If Hera agreed, it probably is.” He’d never thought to teach climbing, but it sounded like something that would catch the student’s attention.

Idly, he flipped through the notes to the last few pages.

It was disorienting coming in partway through the semester. He’d never done that before and would hopefully never have to do it again. It felt like the classes weren’t his, like he was a student teacher once again taking over someone else’s position. A new teaching partner didn’t help him feel at home right away, either.

That feeling wouldn’t last long, he was sure. This was _his_ school. He’d taught there for years. He just had to find his feet again.

He scanned the notes, catching up on what had already been covered, who were the troublemakers, who needed a little extra help, and other such topics.

In first period, he was greeted with a smiling face. “Mr. Orrelios!” said Ezra cheerfully. “You’re back!”

“I am,” Zeb said. “And I hear you’ve been up to trouble.”

Ezra shrugged. “Someone has to keep things interesting around here.”

While he waited his turn to run the obstacle course, Ezra caught Zeb up on the student gossip – the most pertinent being that half the junior and senior classes were in love with Ms. Wren. 

Zeb shook his head. It was to be expected, but what he saw during the day told him that Sabine was more than capable of holding her own against lovesick students.

During lunch, Ezra snuck back into the gym, bringing his food with him. 

“Ezra, you’re not supposed to be here,” Zeb warned. Sabine rolled her eyes and kept eating.

Ezra grinned. “I wanted to ask how Lira’s doing. Haven’t seen her in a while.”

Zeb felt a bit of a rush as he pictured Lira with Alexsandr. She was back at daycare and Alexsandr had his days back, but it was still a nice thought. “Found a babysitter close to home. Sorry, kid. But as soon as my house sells, we’ll move back into the neighborhood.”

“I saw it was for sale.” Ezra pulled up a chair and sat at Zeb’s desk. “Think someone’s actually gonna buy it?”

Zeb grimaced. “I sure hope so, kid.” He dared a glance at Sabine, hoping she wasn’t about to pry into his business, but she was focused on reading. With a bit of alarm, he noticed the book was about homemade fireworks. _Isn’t that illegal_?

Ezra left as soon as he finished eating and Zeb focused on his own food.

“Just so you know,” Sabine said out of the blue, “I know what happened. I watched the news. But I’m not going to press you on it.”

Zeb eyed her. “You’re telling me this why?”

“So you know that I know. Takes some of the awkwardness out or at least it should.” Sabine gave him a sad smile. 

Zeb took a deep breath. Now that he was back in his old neighborhood, of course people would recognize him and know what happened to Lasan. He could try and put it behind him, but it would always haunt him. He could try and duck and hide from it or he could face the notoriety straight on.

“If you have any questions, ask them,” he said. “They caught the guy and the trial’s over and I’m just trying to get back to normal right now for my daughter’s sake.”

“Makes sense,” Sabine said. 

Zeb decided to go on the offensive and take control of the conversation. “You know some about me, then. What about you?”

“Me?” Sabine seemed to think. “Graduated early, decided to teach and wanted to do something active, not just lecturing. I paint, mostly large form works done with spray paint.”

Zeb arched an eyebrow. “Graffiti?”

She laughed. “It’d be graffiti if I painted where I wasn’t welcome. As it is, you’d be surprised who’d pay big money for equally big murals. Done a few family portraits that way.” She pulled a card out of a desk drawer and tossed it to him. 

Zeb caught it as it fluttered in front of his face. “This is your website?” he asked.

“Yup, my portfolio. So now you know something about me.” Sabine smiled.

“I’ll check it out,” Zeb promised, tucking the card away in his shirt pocket.

“If you move back into the neighborhood,” she said, reminding him that she’d heard his conversation with Ezra, “I’ll do one as a housewarming if you want.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Zeb said.

“Nah, I don’t mind. You just have to tell people I did it if they ask.”

“That’s fair,” Zeb said. “We’ll see what happens.”

By the end of the day, Zeb felt more at home than he had in a while. He _belonged_ at Atollon High in a way he didn’t even belong in his apartment.

Maybe soon, he’d have a home to belong to once more.

Maybe Alexsandr would be part of that home.

* * *

_Is it too late to cancel tonight?_ read the text.

Zeb frowned. He and Hera had found about the only night Ezra was available and willing to watch Lira so they could go out to dinner. _A little. What’s wrong?_

 _I might have made an error of judgment earlier today_.

_Are you home?_

_I am,_ Alexsandr responded.

Zeb didn’t wait for an invitation; he stood in the hall and knocked on Alexsandr’s door.

Alexsandr answered and Zeb had to stifle a gasp. He had the start of a large black eye, bruised nose, and busted lip. Most of the left side of his face was swollen and red and dried blood still stained his upper lip.

“What happened?” Zeb asked.

Alexsandr looked sheepish. “Remember you suggested I go talk to Yogar Lyste?”

“The guy whose life you messed up. Sure. He did that?”

“He wasn’t exactly happy to see me.” Alexsandr stared at Zeb’s feet.

“And you let him do it, didn’t you?” Zeb asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

Alexsandr’s guilty look was answer enough.

“Well, I see why you wanted to cancel, but have you even tried to bring down the swelling?” Zeb gently took Alexsandr’s hand. “Let me take care of you, Alex.”

Alexsandr let Zeb lead him back to the apartment, where Lira waited.

She gasped. “Mr. ‘Sandr, you’re hurt! Did you fall?”

Alexsandr forced half a grin. “Something like that.” Zeb pointed and Alexsandr sat down at the kitchen table.

“Lira, go get the boo-boo bunnies,” Zeb instructed.

“Boo-boo bunnies?” Alexsandr asked, arching an eyebrow.

“You’ll see,” Zeb said, pulling out cubes of ice.

Lira came back from the bathroom with two washcloths that had been rolled up and sewn to resemble rabbits. Zeb slipped the ice cubes inside the cloths and presented them to Alexsandr.

“Boo-boo bunnies,” he said. “You’re gonna hold them on your eye and nose while I clean the blood.”

Alexsandr laughed, but at a serious look from both Zeb and Lira, he did as he was told. Zeb pulled a chair up and dabbed at Alexsandr’s lip with a wet paper towel, carefully wiping up the dried blood.

“Daddy,” Lira asked, tugging at his shirt. “Does Mr. ‘Sandr need a band-aid?”

Zeb grinned. “I don’t think so, sweetheart. Just needs to use the bunnies.”

“Band-aids make me feel better,” she argued.

“Well, then,” Zeb turned back to Alexsandr. “Do you mind a band-aid or two?”

Wide-eyed, Alexsandr shook his head, though Zeb got the impression he was simply trying not to argue with either Zeb or Lira.

Lira skipped back to the bathroom and Zeb whispered, “You can take them off in the car.”

“Oh good,” Alexsandr muttered. “I’m not going to be mummified, am I?”

“I’ll make her stop at two,” Zeb promised, dabbing away the last of the blood on Alexsandr’s upper lip.

Lira returned with a bright bandage box. Zeb noted she’d picked out the pink Hello Kitty band-aids and quickly covered his laugh with a cough.

“All right,” he told her. “Just two. Do you want me to show you where to put them?”

Lira shook her head and climbed up into Zeb’s lap. He held her, keeping her balance as she leaned forward and put the band-aids on Alexsandr’s face. When she was through, he had one across the bridge of his nose and one just under his left eye.

“Dashing,” Zeb said with a smile

Alexsandr gave him a withering glance.

“Now kisses,” Lira pronounced.

Alexsandr’s eyes widened, seeking out Zeb’s, asking a silent question.

Zeb shook his head. _No, I haven’t told her_.

Lira scrambled out of Zeb’s hands and onto Alexsandr’s lap. She very seriously held his face and placed tiny pecks on the band-aids. “There,” she said proudly. “All better.”

“Thank you,” Alexsandr said, still looking a little bewildered.

“You gotta say it’s all better, too,” Lira prompted him.

“Oh! Thank you, Lira, it’s all better.” 

Zeb tried his best not to laugh as Lira nodded and slid off his lap. “All right, it’s time for everyone to get ready to go,” he said.

Alexsandr hesitated, but complied, running back to his apartment to grab his wallet while Zeb and Lira waited in the hall.

Half an hour later, Lira was dropped off with Ezra, only pouting a little that she wasn’t allowed to join the adults.

Zeb snuck a hand over in the car, slipping his fingers between Alexsandr’s. He shot the other man a smile once they stopped at a red light.

Alexsandr squeezed Zeb’s hand. “Am I allowed to take the band-aids off yet?”

“Not until after drinks,” Zeb deadpanned.

Alexsandr rolled his eyes and used his free hand to pull the pink bandages off, sticking them on the console. “I think it’s bad enough I’ll be meeting your friends looking like I’ve been through a meat grinder. Lira’s first aid work, while commendable, is not the look I’d like to go for tonight.”

“You’re going for a look?” Zeb asked, grinning.

Zeb needled Alexsandr lightly the rest of the drive, just to pull out that wry smile, but he stopped just outside the restaurant. He gently held Alexsandr’s face and looked him in the eyes. “They’re going to love you,” he promised. “If I like you, so will they. Don’t stress this. Be yourself.”

Alexsandr looked sad. “‘Myself’ is not too good of a person.”

Zeb scoffed. “Lira and I would argue that point.” He waited until he got a short nod from Alexsandr and then led the way into the restaurant.

Kanan and Hera already had a booth. Kanan stood and gave Zeb a hug and Alexsandr a handshake, politely not mentioning Alexsandr’s face.

Hera was not so circumspect. “You all right?” she asked as soon as they all got settled.

Alexsandr blushed, which only made the forming bruises stand out even more. “Yes,” he answered. “I had a run-in with a former acquaintance that didn’t care to see me.”

Hera gave Zeb a look that clearly said he’d be explaining things later. “Okay. As long as you’re fine.”

Kanan cleared his throat. “So Alex, Zeb said you work for _Fulcrum_?”

Alexsandr nodded, obviously on easier ground. “I’ve worked there just over a year now. I quite like it. It’s small, but friendly, and has a good mission.”

“I’m not surprised,” Hera said. “I know one of the editors from college. Ahsoka? She was a TA when I was a freshman. I doubt she’d remember me, though.”

“I didn’t know you knew the magazine,” Zeb said.

Hera shrugged. “It never came up.”

“Ahsoka was the one who recruited me,” Alexsandr said. “Found me after I left my previous job rather publicly. I was surprised she was willing to hire me, but I’m grateful.”

“She’s a good person,” Hera agreed. “You’re in good hands with her.”

Alexsandr nodded. “She and Cassian are much kinder than I deserve.”

Zeb nudged Alexsandr with an elbow. “No, they’re not. You just underestimate yourself.”

“How’s it going being back at school?” Kanan asked, deftly changing the subject.

Zeb smiled. “Good. I like working with Sabine. Good hire, Hera.”

Hera nodded, holding her drink up in acknowledgment. “I thought you’d like her. She’s young but very competent. Natural leader if she’ll let herself. I think you can help her there.”

“Maybe,” Zeb allowed. “I’ll be supportive, at least. The only bad part about being back at work is Lira. She’d gotten used to staying home and now daycare is a culture shock for her. She’s not very happy yet.”

“She’ll come around,” Hera said. “She’s very good at adapting to changing circumstances.”

“This was just her first week, anyway, right?” Kanan asked.

Zeb nodded. “She’ll get used to it. Until she does, though, she’s making it difficult to get out of the door on time.”

“You know I could still watch her,” Alex said quietly, just so Zeb could hear.

“No,” Zeb said, at a normal volume. “She needs to be used to spending the day away or kindergarten is going to be hell.”

“Speaking of,” Kanan said, “any luck selling the house? There’s a nice little place a couple streets over from us that just went on the market. You know the schools are good and the neighborhood is safe.”

Zeb nodded. “Actually, I have news on that. I got an offer on the house today.”

Alexsandr gave Zeb a shocked look. “I didn’t know that.”

“It came in right before it was time to leave.” Zeb shrugged. “I hadn’t had a chance to tell you yet, I’m sorry.”

Kanan and Hera exchanged a glance. “That’s great!” Hera said, sounding genuinely enthused. “Was it what you were hoping for?”

“Less. Only about eighty percent of what I asked, but I think it’s the best I’m going to get for now. I’m probably going to accept the offer.”

“Good for you!” Kanan said. He motioned the waiter for a drink refill. “You’re on your way back to normal again.”

Zeb smiled weakly. “Something like that.”

Beside him, Alexsandr focused on his drink and said nothing.

The tone had been set for most of the meal, Zeb noted as they left. He, Kanan, and Hera did most of the talking, Alexsandr only chiming in when he was directly addressed. Zeb was a little disappointed Alexsandr didn’t speak more, but beyond that the night seemed to be a success. Both Hera and Kanan whispered as they said goodbye that they approved as long as he could stay out of fights.

Lira fell asleep on the way home after picking her up. Zeb carried her up to her bedroom and pulled the door to. 

Alexsandr was waiting for him in the living room.

Zeb carefully cupped Alexsandr’s face in his hands and kissed him. He tried to be gentle so he didn’t exacerbate any of Alexsandr’s injuries, but Alexsandr kissed back harder.

“You can’t stay overnight,” Zeb said softly. “Not until I tell Lira, but you can stay for now if you like.”

Alexsandr gave him a look that should not have been nearly as hot as it was with half his face beat up.

Zeb bit his lip, holding back a happy whimper. Telling Alexsandr goodbye before sleep was going to be hard.

He’d just have to tell Lira sooner rather than later.

* * *

Zeb cornered Lira Saturday morning, plying her with not just pancakes, but _blueberry_ pancakes.

He watched her drown her pancakes in syrup, waiting for the right moment. He’d spent days formulating exactly what to say, but he still wasn’t sure.

Lira _liked_ Alexsandr, for sure. But would she view this as him trying to take over Lasan’s spot?

“Lira, sweetheart,” Zeb said, “I want to tell you something.”

She looked at him with big eyes, still shoveling pancake in her mouth and dripping syrup everywhere.

“You know how Mr. Alexsandr is our friend?” he said.

“Yeah,” she said, smiling.

He took a deep breath. “Lira, Daddy and Mr. Alexsandr want to be more than friends. I like him the same way I liked Papa.”

Her brown eyes grew even larger. “So you wanna _kiss_ him?” Zeb nodded. “Ew!” Lira squealed.

Zeb couldn’t help but laugh at her disgusted face. “This means Mr. Alexsandr will spend more time with us. He’ll even spend the night with Daddy sometimes. It’ll be like he’s part of our family now.” He bent to look her in the eyes. “But _only_ if it’s okay with you.”

It’d hurt, but if Lira wasn’t ready for him to date, he’d distance himself from Alexsandr. Back off, stay friends if possible.

Lira’s face screwed up as she thought.

“Sweetheart?” Zeb asked. “What do you think? Is it okay for me to date Mr. Alexsandr?”

She looked back up at him, distressed. “What do I call him? He _can’t_ be Papa or Daddy!”

Zeb grinned. That was as good a ‘yes’ as he was going to get. “We’ll have to ask Mr. Alexsandr what he wants to be called.”

“Can Mouse spend the night?” she asked. “I want Mouse to spend the night.”

Zeb wasn’t sure about bringing the cat over, but if he and Alexsandr were to get as serious as Zeb hoped, the cat would be part of the deal. He ruffled Lira’s hair, all akimbo and untamed. “That’s another thing we’ll ask Mr. Alexsandr.”

“Okay!” she said and turned her attention back to her pancakes.

Relief filled Zeb. He’d been pretty sure Lira would be okay with the situation, but there had always been a chance she wouldn’t. 

After breakfast and bath time, Zeb texted Alexsandr again. _Told Lira. You’re officially an adjunct member of the family_.

 _She’s all right with us dating?_ Alexsandr sent back.

 _Yes_ , Zeb clarified. _Also she wants to know if when you stay over, you can bring Mouse_.

 _We’ll see. Does that mean I can come over today_?

 _Whenever you want_.

Zeb shouldn’t have been surprised when there was a knock at the door ten minutes later.

Lira confronted Alexsandr as soon as he was in the apartment. She stood there, hands on her hips, and stared him down.

Alexsandr looked at Zeb, but Zeb just shrugged. He wasn’t quite sure what Lira wanted to say, but he wasn’t going to stop her.

“Daddy says he wants to _kiss_ you,” she said. “Like he did with Papa.”

Zeb stifled a laugh and walked up behind his daughter. “I told you we had the talk,” he said.

Alexsandr smiled as much as he could with the bruises on his face. They were a sickly green-tinged purple and didn’t appear to be any less painful than they’d been fresh. He knelt down to be on Lira’s level. “I’d like that,” he said. “Thank you for saying we can.”

Lira wrinkled her nose. “It’s icky.”

“You’ll probably change your mind on that one someday, kid,” Zeb said, reaching a hand to help Alexsandr stand back up. It was time to test Lira’s decision. 

He stepped around his daughter and pulled Alexsandr into a kiss. A small, chaste kiss, to be sure, but one Lira couldn’t miss.

And she didn’t. “I _saw_ that!” she cried, thoroughly offended. “Grown-ups are so _gross_.”

Both Zeb and Alexsandr laughed, which only set Lira off again. In a huff, she sequestered herself in her room.

“That went pretty well,” Zeb said, taking the chance to kiss Alexsandr a little less prudishly.

“She’s not mad?” Alexsandr asked.

Zeb shook his head. “She’s five. Kissing is just one of those weird things adults do. She’d have been very upset, not just put out, if she really didn’t like it.” He straightened Alexsandr’s shirt where he’d wrinkled it. “Oh, and Alex?”

“Yes?” Alexsandr still looked a little nervous.

“When I explained it to her, I said it was like you’d be part of our family. She seemed to take that seriously, so she’s going to ask you if she can call you something other than ‘Mr. Alexsandr’.”

They both sat on the couch, Alexsandr looking a little bewildered. “What do you mean?”

Zeb smiled reassuringly. “She wants a family name to call you. Daddy and Papa are already taken, so you’ll need to come up with something else.”

“Me?” Alexsandr laughed. “You remember I know nothing about family or what to call parents, right? I never got to do that.”

“Well, now you get to try it from this end,” Zeb said. “And if you don’t want a fatherly nickname, maybe she can use one of those many nicknames for Alexsandr.”

Alexsandr considered that. “Why not simply drop the ‘Mr.’ and let her call me ‘Sandr like she has been doing? Seems a lot less confusing than coming up with something else.”

Zeb nodded. “If you’re fine with that, then so am I. We’ll pitch it to her in a bit.”

“In a bit?” Alexsandr asked. “What are we doing in the meantime?”

“We’re discussin’ that cat of yours.” Zeb said matter-of-factly. “I’d like to spend a lot of nights with you and it’s gotta be over here ‘cause of Lira. Would it honestly be better to bring Mouse over here at night or will she be fine?”

“As long as I spend my days over there, she ought to be fine,” Alexsandr said. “But I’m not averse to bringing her with me. What are your thoughts on pets on beds?”

Zeb shrugged. “We had a dog growing up that slept on my bed. Don’t guess I mind.”

“Good. She has a tendency to sleep on my feet,” Alexsandr said.

“I want Mouse to sleep on _my_ feet!” called Lira from her room.

Alexsandr looked surprised that she’d been listening in, but Zeb wasn’t. “What’d I tell you about eavesdropping on adults, brat?” he asked without even looking at her.

Lira sighed. “ _Not to_ ,” she said. “But I wanna do something.”

Zeb turned toward Lira. “What do you want to do?”

“I wanna go to the park,” she whined.

Zeb thought quickly. She meant the park in their old neighborhood, where they’d probably run into some of her friends. It was a reasonable request. There was only one question Zeb had. “Want to come, Alex?”

Alexsandr agreed easily and Zeb grinned. If only it was always that easy to please everyone.

* * *

Over the next weeks, Alexsandr spent most of his nights with Zeb – and Mouse, to Alexsandr’s chagrin, spent most of her nights with Lira.

Zeb loved their nights. First, they’d eat dinner together, like a family. Then they’d play a game with Lira until bedtime; Zeb was attempting to teach her how to play gin rummy but they both discovered Alexsandr was something of a card shark and Lira got frustrated quickly.

To make up for winning at cards, Alexsandr would invariably volunteer to tell Lira stories before bed. Zeb listened to them sometimes – fantastical tales of a space explorer named Lirasan and her cat-like friend Bo – and couldn’t help but smile. Alexsandr really was a good storyteller and Lira actually looked forward to bedtime when he was there.

In fact, Lira enjoyed having Alexsandr around so much that Zeb wasn’t the least bit surprised when she started including him when she was giving her good night hugs and ‘love you’s.

Alexsandr was shocked, however. Zeb just wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pointed out that Lira’s affection was a very good thing.

In fact, the only wrinkle in their lives came when Zeb finalized the sale of his old house.

“You’re moving back, aren’t you?” Alexsandr asked one night after Lira went to sleep.

Zeb gave him an apologetic look. “That’s been the plan the whole time,” he said. “If it were just me… But it’s not. Lira deserves to be in those schools and to have friends nearby to play with.”

Alexsandr nodded. “You’re right. I’m just being selfish. Having you here has been the best thing that ever happened to me,” he admitted. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Zeb frowned. “You’re not _losing_ anyone.” He thought a moment, gathering the courage to ask something he’d been thinking about for a while. “You don’t even have to miss us. Come _with_ us. Move in with us. With me.”

Suddenly, Alexsandr’s whole demeanor changed. He stiffened and looked away. “I can’t do that,” he said, slipping out of Zeb’s arms. “I’m sorry I said anything.”

Zeb watched helplessly as Alexsandr fled. The door shut behind him with a _thump_ and Zeb winced, waiting to hear Lira shuffle out of her bedroom.

She didn’t. He was safe.

He was also confused. Things had been going well with Alexsandr, hadn’t they? Moving in was a logical step. A little quick, perhaps, since they hadn’t been _dating_ but a couple of months, but they’d known each other plenty long enough. And for most of that time, Alexsandr had been practically family. Zeb was pretty positive they’d get on well living together.

So what had scared Alexsandr? Was it the commitment? If he didn’t want to take that step, Zeb would understand.

Torn between following Alexsandr or letting him have time to cool down, Zeb stared at the door to Lira’s room. She was dead asleep if she hadn’t woken when Alexsandr left. Alexsandr had also left Mouse behind. He’d want to come back to get her, surely.

Zeb snuck out of the apartment and tried the door to Alexsandr’s apartment. It was, surprisingly, unlocked, so he let himself in.

“Alex,” he said, loud enough to be heard in every room.

No answer. Zeb didn’t see Alexsandr in the main room or the kitchen, so he stuck his head in the bedroom.

Alexsandr sat on the floor, by the far side of the bed, knees drawn to his chest. Zeb had never seen him in such a state, not even after the run-in with Thrawn.

“Alex?” he said gently, crouching in front of his partner. “Talk to me, babe. What’s wrong?”

“Go,” Alexsandr said, but there wasn’t much force behind the demand. “You should go without me.”

“You don’t want to move in with us? That’s fine,” Zeb said, trying to reassure. “We’ll still make it work.”

“No!” Alexsandr said, burying his face. “I’ve been greedy and it’s time I stopped. You know what I’ve done. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve Lira. I don’t deserve a life with you both. You should leave and forget me.”

Zeb _hmph_ ed. “Well, that’s stupid. We’ve already been over this. What you did in the past doesn’t matter as much as what you do now.”

“Zeb…” Alexsandr looked up, pleading. “What if Thrawn was right? What if all I’m good for is wrecking other people’s lives? I’ll hurt you in the end. That’s my nature.”

“I don’t believe that,” Zeb said firmly. “Thrawn was tryin’ to hurt and he got you good, but he lied. You’re so much better than you were. You tried to make amends for what you did, you’re doing good stuff with _Fulcrum_ , and you love my daughter almost as much as I do. That makes you a pretty damn good person in my view.”

“Lyste still hates me,” Alexsandr argued.

Zeb shrugged. “He has a right to. But the point it, you _tried_. You apologized and changed your behavior.” When Alexsandr didn’t respond right away, Zeb continued, “And as for that bullcrap about hurting us, well, that’s just the risk you take with families. Doesn’t matter if they’re blood or made. You might hurt us. We might hurt you. Or maybe no one gets hurt. We won’t know unless we try.”

“Zeb…” Alexsandr repeated.

“I want to try, Alex,” Zeb said. “Because of you, I’m happy in what should be the worst year of my life. Because of you, my daughter laughs more. Because of you, I’m healing quicker than I ever thought.”

Alexsandr straightened his back, sitting up and facing Zeb head-on. “You honestly want me to move in with you? You trust me that much?”

Zeb reached out and picked up Alexsandr’s hands. “I don’t say things I don’t mean,” he said. “So when I say I want you to live with us, I mean it.”

“I need to think about it,” Alexsandr said.

“That’s fair,” Zeb agreed. “Just don’t think for a second you don’t ‘deserve’ us or that we don’t want you.”

Alexsandr nodded. He didn’t look completely convinced, but he wasn’t nearly as tense as before.

“Are you coming back to bed with me or should I bring Mouse over here?” Zeb asked.

“Mouse. Shit. I didn’t even think that I was leaving her over there. See? I’m–”

Zeb cut off Alexsandr’s self-deprecation with a look.

“I’ll come back with you,” Alexsandr said sheepishly.

“Good,” Zeb said, pulling Alexsandr up as he stood. “That was what I was hoping for. I’ve gotten used to having you in my bed, you know.”

Alexsandr looked wistfully at his own bed. “I’ve gotten used to being there,” he said. “But if we do move in together, we are using my bed because your mattress is shot.”

Zeb laughed. If Alexsandr was making jokes, then maybe things would be okay.

He really needed things to be okay.

* * *

Lira’s door creaked as Zeb slid into her room, trying to let as little light in as possible. Her nightlight projected its stars on the walls and ceiling, giving him plenty of light to see by.

He had to stifle a laugh. She’d only been asleep three hours, but Lira had already managed to completely wreck her bed, laying with her head pressed up against the footboard, toes tangled in her blanket, and her pillow on the floor. Taking care not to wake her, Zeb picked her up and remade her bed, dislodging Mouse and tucking the comforter around Lira. He kissed her forehead lightly, brushing back her dark curls. As soon as he moved his hand, they bounced back, wild and free.

 _Just like **she** should be_, he thought approvingly.

Sneaking back out of her room, Zeb stepped over that one creaky floorboard and winced as the door creaked again – he really needed to oil the hinge – as he closed it behind him. He stopped a moment, waiting for a cry of “Daddy!” letting him know he’d failed, but it never came. Lira was deep asleep.

Zeb flicked off the lights in the kitchen and living room before heading to the bedroom. The sight that met him stopped him in the doorway. He covered his mouth as a fond smile formed.

Alexsandr lounged in the bed, watching Zeb through half-lidded eyes, a self-confident smile – almost a smirk, really – on his face.

The only light in the room came from Zeb’s bedside lamp; it cast warm light on Alexsandr, making him appear to glow. His hair fell loose and shaggy around his face, shining like a messy golden halo, and equally golden hair covered his chest, trailing down underneath the sheet that just barely covered his hips. If Zeb knew anything about Alexsandr, that was the _only_ thing covering him.

Freckled skin seemed to soak up the light, appearing not quite as pale as Zeb knew it really was. Shadows outlined the contours of his muscles – still there, still strong, still defined, but less visible these days as Alexsandr ate regular, healthy meals with Zeb and Lira.

Alexsandr’s smile grew the longer Zeb stared. “You coming to bed?” he asked lightly.

Zeb’s mind wasn’t quite keeping up with the conversation, still focused on the other man. _He’s beautiful. He’s beautiful and he’s in my bed._

If Zeb had any say in it, he’d have Alexsandr in his bed every night for the rest of their lives. _He belongs with us_.

Zeb intended to say something complimentary, or perhaps something seductive, he really did, but instead he said, “I love you.”

The confession came out quickly, words stumbling over one another, and when Alex’s eyes widened, Zeb worried he’d said something far too soon, but he wasn’t about to back down. Not when it was the truth.

“Alex, I love you,” he repeated, moving into the room, making sure to leave a clear path from the bed to the door in case he was unintentionally intimidating.

Alexsandr sat up, sheets falling lower and confirming Zeb’s suspicion that Alexsandr wasn’t clothed. “Zeb,” he said, sounding disbelieving. “You don’t mean that.”

Zeb’s smile darkened. “Alex, we did that already. I don’t say anything unless I mean it and you know it. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t lie and pretend I don’t feel the way I do. I understand if you want to go.”

As if he only just realized he was naked, Alexsandr grabbed the sheet and pulled it back up. He looked disconcerted, but only for a moment.

“No,” he said, face setting in determination. “I don’t want to go. In fact, I want to stay.”

Zeb took a step closer to the bed. Alexsandr didn’t flinch. “You know you’re welcome any night.”

“I mean I want to stay with you when you go. I’ve thought about it. I want to take you up on your invitation to move in with you because I love you, too, Zeb.” Alexsandr bit his lip. “I’ve never been in love before, not like this. That’s why it’s taken me so long to realize it, but I love you. Lira too. I can’t imagine not waking up and seeing the both of you anymore.”

Zeb sat on the bed, a little stunned. It’d been two weeks since he first asked Alexsandr to move in with them and nothing more had been said. He’d resigned himself to Alexsandr staying behind.

“Are you sure?” Zeb asked. “I’m not trying to push you.”

“No,” Alexsandr said, reaching out for Zeb to come closer. “I’ve felt this way for a while but I just needed time to realize it, like I said. I do love you, Garazeb Orrelios.”

Zeb carded fingers through Alexsandr’s hair, studying his face. Fuck, he loved him. “Then let’s house hunt together. Go with me tomorrow.”

Alexsandr nodded. “I can do that.”

“Good.” Zeb leaned in for a kiss that he intended to turn into much more. “I love you, Alex, and you’re not getting rid of me now.”

* * *

Zeb looked around the bedroom. “I think this is the place,” he said.

Alexsandr stuck his head in from the hallway. “You do?”

Zeb gestured to the wall. “Look, whoever’s selling already painted this pink. We won’t have to repaint this room for Lira.”

Alexsandr laughed and stood next to Zeb. “ _That’s_ your selling point? Pink walls?”

“Well, no,” Zeb admitted. “There’s the garage space, the backyard, the proximity to my school and the park, and we’re actually just a block from Kanan an’ Hera.”

“And the house itself?” Alexsandr asked, sliding an arm around Zeb’s waist.

“Seems in good shape,” Zeb said as he returned the gesture. “And the layout is nice.”

“Mm,” Alexsandr hummed. “I’d agree with you.”

That was good enough for Zeb. “I’ll make an offer, then.”

“You should.” Alexsandr didn’t let go of Zeb, so they stood there for a moment.

Zeb glanced at Alexsandr’s face. For some reason, he looked ponderous. “Everything okay, Alex?”

“Yeah,” Alexsandr said. “Just been meaning to ask you something.”

“What?” Zeb wasn’t particularly worried about what the question might be. He was pretty sure Alexsandr was happy at the moment.

“You know those stories I’ve been telling Lira?”

“Yeah?” Zeb had been listening in on them and he had to admit they were pretty good.

“I’ve been actually writing them out before I tell them to her. I thought I might–” Alexsandr paused. “I thought I might try my hand at fiction again. Turn them into a second book, this one on my terms. But only if you’re fine with it.”

A new book? That was a surprise. Zeb wouldn’t have figured Alexsandr would ever want to go through all that once more. Then again, he didn’t have a pushy professor looking over his shoulder anymore. 

“Sure. But why do you need my permission?”

“Because the protagonist is based on Lira. And if it’s all right with you, I’d keep the names I’ve been using for Lira.” Alexsandr almost looked sheepish.

Zeb grinned. “Sounds like the one you need to ask is Lira. But for what it’s worth, I’m good with it.”

Alexsandr relaxed, leaning against Zeb. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, you’ve done all the work.” Zeb squeezed, holding him closer.

“With some editorial input from Lira,” Alexsandr laughed.

Zeb sighed happily and kissed Alexsandr’s temple. “So we like this house and you’re going to become a famous author again, is that what we’ve decided?”

“Sounds like it,” Alexsandr agreed.

“Good,” Zeb pronounced. “Sounds like a damn good start to a life together.”

“I’m inclined to agree.”

Zeb smiled. He’d never imagined being this happy ever again, not after Lasan, but Alexsandr… Alexsandr had broken down all his barriers and Zeb couldn’t be more grateful.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go make that offer.”

* * *

**Two Years Later…**

Alexsandr came in, shaking snow off his boots. His nose and cheeks were chapped pink from even that brief exposure to the cold. Despite that, he was beaming.

“Did it come?” Zeb asked, even though the answer was obvious.

Alexsandr showed off the package. “Looks like,” he said, setting the rest of the mail down on the kitchen counter.

“Well, open it!” Zeb said, handing him scissors.

“Patience,” Alexsandr warned, but he eagerly tore into the box. 

It was filled with paperback books. Alexsandr pulled out one and Zeb could just make out the cover shaded pink and gold. _INTO THE STAR CLUSTER_ read the title, _SASHA KALLUS_ printed at the bottom.

Alexsandr flipped through the first pages and smiled even wider. “Here,” he said. “Look.”

Zeb took the book, opened to the dedication page. What he read made him stop breathing momentarily.

 _For the loves of my life, Zeb and Lira_.

 _And for Lasan, who loved them first_.

Zeb looked up. “I expected something sappy from you, but this…?”

Taking back the book, Alexsandr nodded. “It seemed appropriate.”

“More than.” Zeb took Alexsandr’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply.

“ _I saw that_ ,” came an exasperated voice from the stairwell.

Both Zeb and Alexsandr grinned. “First graders have homework they should be doing,” Zeb said, eying Lira.

“I know,” she said. “I need help.”

“I’ve got this,” Alexsandr said. “Give me a second, Lira; I’ll be right there.”

He ran his hand down Zeb’s arm, entwining their fingers for just a moment. Zeb gave his hand a light squeeze.

Alexsandr walked off, holding onto Zeb until the last moment, and shooed Lira up the stairs.

Zeb watched them go, unable to stop smiling. Once they were out of sight, he picked up one of the books again, flipping back to the dedication.

 _And for Lasan, who loved them first_.

Zeb traced the line with a finger. Even after two years, Alexsandr still surprised him.

Sticking a hand in his pocket, he fingered the ring he’d been hiding for a couple of weeks.

With luck, he’d surprise Alexsandr, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on tumblr ([hixystix](https://hixystix.tumblr.com/) & [x-wing-junkie](https://x-wing-junkie.tumblr.com/)) or twitter ([@fandomhixystix](https://twitter.com/fandomhixystix)) and flail over Rebels and Kalluzeb! New friends always welcome!


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